Maybe I'm okay?

From: my pinterest, link unknown.

I've always been a bit of a worrier. I worry that I'm not smart enough, or that I'm a bad friend, that Matthew's too good for me, that I'm too fat....when I get on a worry spiral, I can really rock it. I tie myself up in knots of doubt and worry and shame, worrying away at a thousand and one failings.

I was about to have a worry sesh the other day when a revolutionary thought crossed my mind.

Maybe I was OK.

Not awesome, not the best, not marvellous. Just OK.

What a heady, wonderful, challenging place to be.

To know you're doing okay and giving your best, to want more but not feel like a failure in the interim. Well, let me tell you, it felt like a weight had lifted.

I may never be the perfect homemaker or a hyper-successful headteacher or a mega-blogger or a size 2, but I can handle okay.

I like being okay.

How about you?

Project Life Tuesday: Feb 27th - Mar 4th

It's about that time again! Linking up with Jessica et al, for Project Life Tuesday.

Monday 27th: Top of my to do list was to order this cake for Rory and Eileen's engagement party! I collected it on Friday from the bakery where Eileen and I have brunch every other weekend - they were very excited to help me with a gift for the 'green tea latte lady!' It was red velvet....and absolutely delicious!

Tuesday 28th: Speaking of the lovely Eileen, on Tuesday we went to see The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and heard a lovely Q&A with the author of the original book too. Love the things you can get up to in our neck of the woods! Over sangria and tapas Eileen and I discussed the movie, the future, and myriad other topics. The joys of girldates!

Wednesday 29th: Leap Day! And for me, a day of organising and playing in my classroom. I'm always wondering if I have it in the best possible formation!

Thursday 1st: and lo and behold, we're into March! This is my cushion, Owlivia. Each member of 4T has there own cuddle cushion for when we go to have a reading or a story session. As the first was World Book Day, it seemed only appropriate that Owlivia should feature!

Friday 2nd: A busy day at work, including the always entertaining Year 4 Variety Show and homemade flapjacks, then off to celebrate at Rory and Eileen's engagement party. So so happy for them both, one of my very favourite couples! Had a photo op with two of my lovelies - Eileen and Siobhán always make me smile! They are both happily engaged and make the state of betrothal look very fetching. Weddings a go go!



Saturday 3rd: On Saturday I ventured out of London to visit with my beautiful friend Lou. Lou is amazing company and so funny and clever....as well as being the person who first introduced me to the lovely Matthew. What a super friend! We walked, saw ducks and rainbows, ate and chilled and drank soooooo much tea. It was wonderful to get out of the city and spend time with a dear friend!


Sunday 4th: Two girldates in one day? Oh yes, I did. First up was brunch with Eileen and hearing all the chat from her party (I'd left exhausted at 9!). Then I walked from NW3 to central London, stopping to feed the ducks and getting *soaked* in the process, to meet Siobhán for a late lunch and chat. A wonderful way to spend a Sunday! Then I headed home, where I was soon join by Matthew, fresh from the stag weekend he'd been on. Another week done.

Looking forward as ever to seeing what people are up to!

Sleepy Monday

And bed beckons.

So I leave you with some cute sloths to enjoy.

Meet the sloths from Lucy Cooke on Vimeo

101 Reasons I Love Being a Teacher

I often say how much I love my job. I know I'm blessed enough to have a career I adore and a vocation which keeps me invested, interested and driven, and I am so lucky to work at a school I really believe in, with kids who make me giggle on pretty much a daily basis (as well as making me hugely proud of their work, progress, and conduct). So I set myself a little challenge...could I think of 101 separate reasons why I loved being a teacher, off the top of my head? Well, I thought I could at least try!

1. I get to spend my days with some of the funniest, most caring, and interesting people on the planet.

2. The little portraits and pictures and things the boys make for me.

3. I'm constantly learning, whether it's about history, English, or which Pokemon I would most need in a fight.

4. Roald Dahl.

5. Laughter.

6. Classical music on spotify to help us concentrate.

7. Always having time for an impromptu poem or song.

8. Fizz, pop, BANG!

9. Being part of something bigger.

10. Harry Potter.

11. Feeling needed.

12. Teaching good manners and consideration, as well as comprehension and long division.

13. Having to be brave and energetic.

14. Listening, and hearing a very different worldview.

15. A chance to perform.

16. The sheer cuteness of Reception when they trot past in their tiny uniforms!

17. Being kept on my toes.

18. Making displays which are helpful (and colourful).

19. The unexpected!

20. The little notes my boys write me. Adorable and heartwarming.

21. Going the extra mile.

22. Blue skies through the skylight and sunshine making us all feel happy!

23. Our away days each summer - reminds me of going away when I was wee and is always entertaining.

24. Bringing a woman's perspective to a very male environment!

25. Quiz time!

26. Planning treats for the gang.

27. Trips to fun places.

28. The confusion of a child you teach when you bump into them away from school. Miss Thornley....at the cinema/gym/shops?

29. Wine with my colleagues after a staff event.

30. Class pride.

31. School pride.

32. Playing UNO against my boys.

33. Working with some very smart people.

34. Concerts and plays.

35. Teaching the boys about the wider world, alongside their parents, and encouraging them to have a heart for helping others.

36. Getting to share my passions and ideas with my pupils - whether it's an author or a hobby or a trick for multiplication!

37. Having my friends help my kids.

38. Encouraging kindness.

39. Helping my boys discover their dreams and drives.

40. Never having time to be bored.

41. Remembering a little more of my schoolgirl French with each passing year.

42. Maths marking. Oddly soothing.

43. Reflecting on what I do and aiming for improvements.

44. That light-bulb moment!

45. Helping to plan and make decisions.

46. Witnessing the growth spurt all the boys have in their time in the Middle School - from chubby cheeked babies to tall Year 6s!

47. Surprising the cool Year 8s with my film knowledge ;).

48. Class catchphrases.

49. Being needed.

50. Celebrating the achievements of my talented boys!

51. Getting to meet some really interesting people.

52. ERIC (Everyone Reading In the Classroom) time.

53. Thank you notes and cards at the end of the year. The warm glow of helping.

54. The holidays! It would be disingenuous if they didn't feature at all.

55. Quirks like Thursday morning pain au chocolat!

56. Reading a child's story and being blown away by their creativity and ideas.

57. Sandwiches for afternoon tea before you start marking.

58. Helping parents with their dreams for their children.

59. Please Mrs Butler.

60. Being 'Miss Thornley'.

61. C.S. Lewis.

62. Maths bunny.

63. Working with talented and inspirational people.

64. Epic coffees.

65. Always learning more.

66. Unexpected and inventive compliments, often when you least expect it.

67. Platagenets and Angevins.

68. Spreadsheets!

69. Enid Blyton.

70. A budget for stationery!

71. Badger corner.

72. A willing and hungry audience for my wide and varied vocabulary.

73. Setting myself challenges (at the moment it's learning the cubes of the numbers up to twenty. tricksy!).

74. The variety show.

75. Project time.

76. Always finding time for a silly accent to enliven a November afternoon.

77. Chatting about different cultures and faiths, inviting questions and research.

78. Constantly being surprised.

79. Storytime with my form.

80. Lego!

81. Reading myths and legends together.

82. Chilling out in the pit with our cushions.

83. Golden Time.

84. Expecting a lot from my class, and having a lot of expected from me. And both parties meeting those expectations a fair to goodly amount of the time.

85. Hymn Practice.

86. Teaching about the beauty and universality of maths, and impressing on the boys what a great subject it is.

87. Geekery being part of what we do!

88. Friday snack.

89. Competition being healthy and fun, and making room for everyone to have their shot.

90. Working with some incredibly clever folk.

91. Sports Day.

92. Blogging our days on our class blog.

93. Learning through play.

94. Making up silly sentences for our spelling tests.

95. Getting to celebrate each festival and event as it passes with stories and crafts and fanfare; birthdays and Christmas and jubilees and all.

96. Mufti days.

97. Open Homework.

98. Dancing around the classroom with my boys.

99. Henry II and Thomas Becket.

100. Lunchtime conversations.

101. Getting to feel like I make a difference, however small.

Do you love your job? I hope so! If you're a teacher, what are your favourite things about it?

Words are my friends

Sometimes a nice quote is just what you need! Thank heavens for Pinterest.

From: joann.com

From: crushculdesac.tumblr.com

From: agracefull-life.blogspot.com

From: dangerousminds.net

From: designyoutrust.com

Hope you're all having a fab weekend.

Five Minute Friday: Ache

Linking up with Lisa-Jo and her lovelies as we write for five minutes, just five minutes, each and every week.

This week's prompt is ache.

GO.

This ache has been with me as long as I've known.

It's part of me.

As much a part of me as mad curly hair, looking on the bright side, adoring letters, being obsessed with Christmas and randomly bursting into song at odd moments..

Ever since I was tiny, I've wanted to be a mum. The wendy-house was my favourite hang out in primary school. I used to buy baby clothes for my Cabbage Patch Kids as a preteen, saving up my pocket money to hit the thrift shop for some outfits. In my teens I daydreamed and doodled and thought of names (often much to the amusement of my own very practical mother, who would howl with laughter at some of my zanier creations). On the list of things I wanted to do, being a mum was always, always, always at number one.

I'd say I became properly broody at about sixteen. Babysitter-extraordinaire, I loved my wee charges and longed for the day when I would have a home and a family of my own. Then I hit my twenties, in all their fun and lonely and mad wonderfulness. The plans I'd so lovingly made fell by the wayside in the face of singledom and hurt and career and adventures. The longing turn to an ache, and each year as my birthday approached a strange ennui would fall over me. My greatest wish moved further away.

And then I met Matthew. I love him and he loves me, and, to quote the infamous purple dinosaur himself, we're a happy family... And the ache is still there, but it's less raw than it ever was. Bizarrely, being in my thirties and happily attached to someone who has always been deliciously frank about the kids thing has given me peace on this. The burning desire is more a serenity. If I'm blessed enough to be a mother, you can bet I will be the happiest, most excited person in the world, watching one of their greatest dreams come true. If not, I hope I'll be the best aunt or godmother in the world.

The ache will still be there, but some aches are necessary in this long and wonderful life we all share. If I did have kids I'm sure other aches would appear (the ache of leaving my career, which I adore, for a time, springs immediately to mind), but whenever I think of an ache, I think of the mum thing.

Told you I always look on the bright side!

STOP.

New Years' Ambitions update....

Two months in....and how are we doing?

1. Write a 10,000 word children's story. So far: 0/10,000.

Not too worried about this one staying at zero. Realistically, I know this is going to be my summer project, when I can quite easily build ten hours or more a week in to write. I have starting jotting down some ideas though, and I've definitely got my main character.

2. Write 200 letters/ cards / notes / postcards. So far: 31/200.

15% is not as far as I would have liked, but isn't bad either. I guess I'm re-learning how to be a letter writer!

3. Swim twice a week. So far: 1/104.

Well, as I left my gym, I've also left the pool. But in May-September (yay, warm months!) I'm hoping to join as a swim only member, which should bump the numbers up nicely. :)

4. Go for three months without buying anything from Starbucks (June, July and August). This should help with #10 and #13 too! So far: 0/92.

I haven't been to Starbucks in ages...but this only counts in June, July, and August!

5. Write a blog post a day for the whole of 2012. 60/366.

Woo! Right on target. I'm really starting to enjoy the discipline of blogging every day, replying to emails, reading other blogs (my word, the in-spir-a-tion out there!).

6. Go for three months with no alcoholic beverages (January, March, and May). This should help with #10 and #13 too! So far: 31/93.

The second month of this starts today.....

7. Complete all 52 weeks of a Project Life book and send it off to be published. So far: 8/52.

I am loving Project Life! I love recording my little life, and seeing how others are doing with theirs too.

8. Give blood. So far: 0/1

Hannah and I have said we're going to do this soon!

9. Read 52 books in the 52 weeks of 2012. So far: 8/52.

Quite happy with this - school and life have been really busy, so getting through books at all feels like a major personal triumph.

10. Become 'overweight' rather than 'obese'. So far: 7/66.

I was so happy to be 10 pounds lighter by the end of January...then February arrived! Who knew wine and too many fun evenings with girlfriends could be so lethal for one's waistline?

OK, I know, we all did. Back on this in a big way now - walking and eating veggies like a mad thing!

11. Volunteer for 3 hours per months (or equivalent of). So far: 7/36.

Still on target, and plenty planned for March!

12. Walk 500 Miles.** So far: 75/500.

15%....need a wee bit more, but getting there I feel.

13. Have the equivalent of 2 months salary saved up for a rainy day. So far: 72%/100%

On course.

14. Go out and have fun, do things (parties, movies, gigs, theatre etc.) at least 4 times a month. So far: 15/48.

Loving being more social.

So there are the cold hard facts. Some good, some bad, some all over! At the next check in we'll be 1/4 of the way through the year....

How are your New Years' resolutions / ambitions going?