And this evening I have mostly been thinking about love (“Is that the love between the man and a woman; or the love of a man for a fine Cuban cigar?” ~ Dr Hibbert). Not romantic love as such, but rather all the love that is in my life everyday. I spend so much time (especially in February, bete noire month of mine) hung up on what I don’t have, the one-on-one, romantic, coupley love that sometimes I think I am in danger of losing sight of all the love I have in my life, and how lucky I am to have it.
It’s visible in so many ways.
It’s the look on my kids faces when they arrive on a Monday morning – even though it’s cold and the weekend is through and they know I’m going to make them do Maths or geography or drama or something heinous they can’t even fathom, they come bounding up the slope to our yard and they are chatty and smiley and huggy and so happy to see me.
It’s my parents spending hours online this weekend and phoning me a gadzillion times as they try and work out what we are going to do about the moped conundrum – even though I’m twenty-five and they are 500 miles away they still worry and care and want to know I’m safe.
It’s my landlords, offering me lifts, asking how my day went, inviting me to quizzes and calling me to see if I want to join them for supper (I live in their house, people. And they phone to invite me – how cute is that?).
It’s the friends who call and text and email and write and visit and come and see me. It’s a hundred and one little things. It’s Mlle Wilson (and her luh-var) taking me for tea in Paris and not once mocking my ineptitude at French (a very tall order!). It’s HOTI having me to stay in London and not only being a marvellous host, but also dealing brilliantly with the double whammy of an FTOTZ BowlCon and Countrymouse after several red wines and no dinner (thanks again sweetie). It’s Sian (Siblingus Midimus) letting me crash at her digs and taking me to rock karaoke (again, soon?).
It’s Hannah driving through Friday rush hour to come see me, even though she knows we’ll talk shop for far too long. It’s Hannah (again!), spending a lazy new year’s with me and laying down plans for a New York based Hogmanay this year (bring it! Yay!). It’s Peachy having me to stay for over a week, sharing her life with me, and taking me to DC (where we proceeded to re-enact Rocky, by replacing the Philly steps with the Lincoln Memorial). It’s 15 page letters from Cat (15? Seriously!), silly cards from Jeaaaaaaan, pictures of new babies from Jess, phone calls with Val reliving the crazy days of Trew.
It’s Matthew texting me to let me know Nickel Creek are on the radio tonight. It’s Peter (Siblingus Minimus) sending me a long and chatty email, even though I am old and uncool. It’s Maz and Toaly, always pleased to see me, no matter how long I’ve been gone and what’s happened in between.
It’s Emma and Beverley, so keen to help me become the best teacher possible. It’s Tom, loaning me a CD I want to listen to, and always keen to talk music (even when Fi and I rock up late and after a few wines…). It’s silly injokes and X-factor preparation with Fiona, Sally, Sophie, Rachel and Miranda. It’s staffroom banter with Richard and Warren and Hayley.
It’s Shona buying me a book she knows I’ll love. It’s Nellums taking me to a Young Farmer’s Ball, just cause we don’t see enough of each other. It’s Jeaaaaan (again), texting me about a dress and sharing an anecdote. It’s Vicky and Al meeting me for lunch, and a million and one texts and emails for whatever reason, from Aimee, Rachel, Val, Kat, Erin, Tim….. It’s the lovely people who email about my healthkick and wish me well.
This list goes on.
And I want you all to know (even if you already do!) that I appreciate it. I try and give out as much love as I can, and I think I’m generally pretty good at it. But I also get a lot of love and support and care and largesse and beauty from you all, and I want you all to know I appreciate it.
Without you all in my life, it would be a much lesser, much harder place.
I love you all. To quote an artsist many of you love, and many of you would actually kill… “You’re beautiful”. “The Wind Beneath My Wings”, actually. In fact “You To Me Are Everything”.
I know, enough.
PS If I’ve forgotten anyone, humbles – this is very stream of consciousness today!
PPS Next time I whine because my adorable co-worker doesn’t like me, remind me of this post, would you?