Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Something's got to give?

Hmmm, I don't like when these moods hit me. But I have come through much of the awful, horrid, disgusting, fetid month that is February (I am NOT a fan) without a major meltdown or mishap, but now I am definitely getting the sense that something is up. What, I could not tell you. And therein lies the rub.


I feel like H, one of my tutees. Earlier she told me she was sad. OK, so being the mumsy person I am, I of course enquire why. Her reply? "I don't know, I just know I don't feel right. It's like there's something wrong in my tummy and I don't feel good and I want to be away." Man, I know how she feels. H I managed to sort with a hug and some quality time ~ I don't know what is going to work for me.


I'm eating way too much (I'm a comfort eater, what can I say? I never go overboard - well, not anymore - but it's a crutch I return to). I'm very tired and all too happy to slouch in front of the TV. I overslept by two hours and was late to school yesterday. My head hurts. I'm teary and more than a little blue. I've got three spots ~ and usually my complection kicks ass. I'm just a little lacklustre, I guess.


I'm trying all the usual tricks. Plenty of fresh air. Good food. Good quality sleep (but not too much of it). Sending out as much positive energy as I can. Thinking good thoughts, doing good things. Working hard. Concentrating on the good. Trying hard. Counting blessings. Writing letters and making calls and helping, helping, helping wherever I can.


I just hope I can lift this Eeyore of a mood.


I know how lucky and blessed I am. I know how bad things can be. But please, indulge me a little, just for today. I just want a coffee and a hug and a little kindness.


Love you guys,

Cxx

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Miss T, by Set 3

Asked to come up with a kenning earlier this month, this is what les petits monstres concocted. Enjoy!

Cxx

Our English Teacher.

Music-listener
Cake-buyer
Moped-rider
George Clooney-admirer
Chocolate-eater
Fair-player
Coffee-drinker
Yummy food-cooker
Dog-walker
Nature-lover
Future-daydreamer
Funky-dancer!

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Ratmaninov! And a Freudian slip!







Ladies and germs, may I introduce Ratmaninov? He was a prop for our year 3 and 4 play (Rats!), made by my hugely talented and arty friend Beverley, and I thought he was so cute I adopted him.... He's going to live in my classroom with all the other waifs, strays and randoms I've accrued.

So the play went well, the kids were fab, the parents enjoyed it, and we all went for a nice curry afterwards. Mmmm, good curry. And I thought I'd share a tidbit with y'all.

In the course of the meal, as these things often go, my colleague A announced she had a quiz for us all. In this case, a quiz with a Freudian bent.

First, we had to choose our favourite bird and explain why. I chose a robin, because they are cheerful.

Secondly, we had to choose an animal....I went for a hedgehog, because they are odd and funny.

Lastly, we had to choose the one drink we'd choose to drink if we could only drink one beverage for the rest of our lives. I chose water because (and I quote) "It's refershing, and I'm always in the mood for it."

Turns out the bird is how you see yourself. The animal is how you think others perceive you. And the drink? Well, apparently that's how you feel about sex. Hahahaha. Well, it made me laugh!

Have a great weekend, lovely people. I'm really thirsty now ~ what does that mean?

Love,

Cxx


Friday, February 23, 2007

Sensational

The exact moment when you bite into a grape, and the skin bursts and your mouth fills with juice.
The smell and feel of fresh sheets, put on your bed earlier and now just that little bit starchy and freshly laundered.
The lurch in your tummy when a boy you like (or liked) does some little thing that shows he noticed you.
Being noticed.
The smell of the ground after it rains.
The sound of children laughing, the way it bubbles up and bubbles around, like a brook high up in the mountains.
The colours you see in an early sunset or a late sunrise, oranges and blood reds and purples and blues, like God’s gone mad with his crayolas.
A crisp breeze that whips your hair and wakes you up.
A friendly bark.
The sensation of safety and love you get from being exactly where you’re meant to be at this time.
Cosy scarves on cold days.
A nice cup of tea and a book, and a cosy old chair, after a long and arduous workday. The green of the trees preparing for spring and the yellows and whites and purples of the flowers just peeking through.
Fresh satsumas, easy to peel and delicious.
Eleven o’clock skies, dark dark blue, shot through with a hundred thousand million stars.
Cookies still warm from the oven with big chocolate chunks that melt on your tongue. A good hug from a little person or, equally brilliantly, from a friend.
A stack of letters waiting for you, or an email out of the blue.
Naps, dreams, and the hope of what’s to come.

Cxx

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Back in the saddle again....

So, we're back to school here. How quickly the time on break flies and then we're back to the grindstone. Yesterday was a real banner day ~ 4 hours of rehearsal for our show with the littlies, then over an hour rehearsing with Year 7 (mmmm, adolescentacular!), before winding up at a two hour Youth Band rehearsal. Fun, but exhausting. Luckily I had promised myself pancakes and 'The OC' to round off the day, so it's not all bad.

Totally slept in this morning, although my inner teen is still horrified that I would consider waking at 6.40 sleeping in! Hey, they published yet another study on Monday about the benefits of sleep - I'm just being healthy :-). I wish someone would tell my boss though!

The George Clooney bonanza continues here - our lovely cleaners at school left me a note on my whiteboard telling me how much they appreciated having the eye candy (photos and calendars agogo) in my classroom over break! And Tian (oh, you guys would love Tian. He is so naughty, but you just can't dislike him, he's a wee poppet) came bounding into school Monday, all "Miss Thornley, Miss Thornley! I found something in a book for you!"....A little background, my little ones are always finding stuff in books for me - river facts, Bible stories, poems, pictures of Scotland, photographs of squirrels....you name it. But what had Tian found....yep, an encyclopedia entry about....George Clooney!

Heh. These kids can always make me smile, I'll give them that.

Right, I have to dash - I have to go fix some rat tails, clean my makeup palette and doublecheck a dance routine. It's all so dramatic here at the moment, dahlings....

Love,
Cxx

Monday, February 19, 2007

New hair....




I can't decide if it's pink, red, or plum. I like it though, and that's the main thing!


Cxx

PS Please excuse the geektacular PJs in the second pic....the penguins are quite the comfort wear!



Saturday, February 17, 2007

A veritable feast of good things....

An A- Z of wonderful (or at least vaguely amusing) things….

In honour of half-term (or, as I like to refer to it, an opportunity to rest, bake, and do that pesky research for my professional development file….mmmm, levelling), which is almost done (*sniff*) here’s an alphabets worth of fabulosity (including far too many guilty pleasures, I’ll warn ya!). I started this and came back to it, so apologies for any random mood or tense changes!:

A is for adverts. No, not those adverts that really, really annoy you (you know, he ones that tell you they can get you out of debt, or that your hair is what’s holding you back, or Barry “Who?” Scott with his ridiculous Cillit Bang shouting). But the other ones – I think my current fave is actually the Clearblue one. “The greatest piece of technology you’ll ever pee on.” Genius. I also find the ad for ‘Hoodwinked’ far too amusing – it’s the tortoises trying to run that does it.

B is for books. I am currently getting back into reading in a big way (I think ignoring Tolstoy is helping…). Last week I read ‘The Three Day Rule’, ‘I Hate Other Peoples Kids’ and ‘March Hares and Monkeys Uncles’, and now I’ve just started ‘A Million Little Pieces’ (yeah, I know it’s semi-faked, but it’s amazingly well written). It’s so nice to be reading for fun again.

C is for cooking. I love to cook and I don’t always get the time. If you come visit me I’ll cook you something nice though. I’m most definitely a cook rather than a chef – my specialities are barbeque chicken, spaghetti bolognese and roast vegetable lasagne – fancy doesn’t really come into it. I make good cupcakes though!

D is for dancing. Another thing I love to do. I can’t wait till I next live in a city or a town, I really want to take lessons. For now it’s getting in, kicking off the heels, cranking up some cheese and throwing some shapes. Good, clean fun.

E is for emigration (potential). It’s something I’m looking into.

F is for fresh air. For the last few days I’ve had the time to go out romping in the fresh air each afternoon, and it’s reminded me what a bumpkin I am, how much I enjoy being out-of-doors. Yesterday I must have walked about 6 miles, listening to my MP3 player, looking at all the snowdrops peeping through in Whiteley’s wood, playing pooh-sticks in the stream. Lovely.

G is for (being a) grown up (allegedly). Not always good, but a blessing nonetheless. Remind me of this when a bill comes in!

H is for holiday (plans). I am (hopefully) heading to Canada in either August or October (EEEEEEE!). Both Scott and Bee have contributed couches to the cause (thanks, guys!) and I am getting pretty darn excited!

I is for ice cream. I haven’t had any in a while. But I really want some now…. Why do ice cream cravings always hit at five to ten, just as the shops close?

J is for jam. I have needed to buy some for three weeks. And yet every time I go to Tescos I forget. It’s still yummy though!

K is for kids TV. Much of it I detest…but I’m sort of developing a soft spot for Hi-5.

L is for London. I remember when I was at RAAS, London was an escape, a glamorous place where friends lived, a daytrip at half term. Then I moved back up to Forres and it was a world away, this much hyped place where you went for a holiday to catch a show or a gig or the enormous Topshop. Now it’s an hour away on the train, and contains some of my favourite people. I love getting down there – next ETA, late March.

M is for Myspace. And other sites like it. I love being able to be in contact with some many of my friends, and given the isolationist nature of my job (I have friends here, but most of my uni and school friends are at least an hour away, if not a country or a continent removed!) I love having a quick and easy way to keep up ith folk. I like knowing how babies, bands and the whole shebang is going with my gorgeous friends.

N is for nice. And dealing with the fact that I am nice. I’m kind and forgiving and warm. I’m just never going to cut it as mysterious or glamorous and exotic I guess…. And that’s OK.

O is for oranges. With Lent looming I am getting back into the healthkick once more. Cue lots and lots and lots of fruit and veg. Yum!

P is for pampering. On a budget! Later today I’m going to dye my hair…photos or a post of rage to follow J.

Q is for quiet. A major part of my life now, and a new thing for me. Years of siblings and boarding school and halls and flatmates, and now I live alone in the country. When I first got here the quiet kind of freaked me out, but now I like it…and I can isolate the little noises of the world around me – the breeze, the birdsong, the occasional scamper of a rabbit or a fox or a deer. Or perhaps a zombie!

R is for red wine. Alcohol is out for Lent (rerun!), so I’ve made sure to have a few glasses this week.

S is for snow, and snow days. Now it’s positively springlike here, but the snows of last week were fabulous. If there’s something more fun than refereeing a snowball fight between half a dozen wee ones, then coming in for hot chocolate and shortbread, I don’t think I’ve discovered it yet.

T is for Tilly and the Wall. I am just in love with this band at the moment. Their second album is just amazing and I’m going to see them live in two weeks – YES!!!!

U is for Ugly Betty. Loads of the shows I like (House, Doctor Who, Grey’s Anatomy, Buzzcocks) are on hiatus right now, and ‘Ugly Betty’ is one of the new shows I’m enjoying. It’s just really cute and funny, and funny comedy is always an awesome thing.

V is for verisimilitude. OK, so I was struggling for a V thing to extol. This was my favourite word during freshman Film Studies….to give the appearance of being real or true.

W is for work. I like my job. Yes, it feels like a posting sometimes (halfway there!), but the actual job I do enjoy. All that stuff they put in the teaching ads holds true for me – it is inspiring, and I do have to be creative, and no two days are alike, and there are all sorts of perks. As I’m currently writing yet more reports, that’s hard to focus on at all times, but I do love teaching.

X is for Xzibit. Oh man, how I love “X to the Z”. My fave ‘Pimp My Ride’ quote of recent eps has to be when he asked some guy “Are you Rick Astley?”. The man is a genius.

Y is for Youtube. It’s my crack, as many of you know. I could happily spend hours on there (which is why it’s probably best I don’t have internet at home right now). I’m especially loving some of the video blogs on there at the moment (check out those posted by stuartmoffatDOTcom if you want to sample some genuine Scots banter!).

Z is for Zzzzzzzz. Did I mention I love to sleep?

Night all!

Cxx

Thursday, February 15, 2007

I loooove halfterm.

Bubble baths. Books. Naps. Pedicures. Phone calls. More naps. Time to cook nutritious and healthy dinners. And then guzzle down cheesecake for afters. Letters. Packages. Plans (Canada, watch out….). Long walks in the midwinter sun, the wind whipping my hair and making my cheeks all rosy. Singing. Moviefests and gossip with Rachel. Shopping and banter with Ro and Brett. Taking photos of the flat, the garden, myself. Catching up with other peoples blogs. Yet more naps. Glasses of wine and evenings stretching out, devoid of marking and planning. Time to sort out stuff in my classroom that was needing to be done. Rest. Mornings dancing and evenings singing. Oprah. A change of pace.

It’s almost over, but this break has been awesome so far :-). I hope you all have time for a similar break from the norm in the not too distant.

Love, as always,
Cxx

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Stupidity: A Definition

I am suuuuch a bimbo.

Guess who just schlepped all the way into town from home, where she was cosily entrenched with a good book, some new CDs and chocolate, across the fields and hills to school to pick up her moped....and left her bike keys in her other purse?

D'oh!

I swear, sometimes accesorising can be such a pain in the ass.

Good day, everyone!
Cxx

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Girls, girls, girls....

After the soul searching and bones baring of yesterday, I now give you….

50 girly questions...

(Thanks, Erin!)

• Do you straighten your hair everyday?
I go through phases, because I’m not anti-curly. At the moment I am straightening every day though, I think it makes my hair look better at the current time.

• Do you worry about the size of your boobs?
Not so much worry as get annoyed by – buying shirts or blouses is a royal pain, and any sort of running is a nightmare (yeah, coaching rounders next term is gonna be a blast!)

• What's your favorite girly magazine?:
I try not to buy too many, but when I indulge (long journeys, lazy weekends etc.) it’s usually ‘Hello’, ‘Elle’ or ‘Marie Claire’. I also try to get the Hollywood and music editions of ‘Vanity Fair’ each year too. At Emma’s the other day I read ‘Cosmopolitan’ – much better than I remembered. I was a magazine addict as a teen!

• Would you kill for chocolate?
What kind of chocolate? Lol. I have to say this one depends entirely on my mood, my location, my stress levels and (sad but true) the time of the month!

• Jeans or skirts?
Love my jeans, but most days find me skirt clad. This sort of crept up on me.

• Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that are uncomfortable?
Not too often, but sometimes. Certain occasions call for killer heels or a particularly binding dress!

• Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy?
Um…no? *crosses fingers* Haha, I’m of the school that thinks the getting ready can be half the fun. There’s something to be said for having a nice bath or shower, then having a glass of wine and popping on some tunes, then hitting the hair and makeup. Sigh. It’s been a while.

• Do you ever cry during a romantic movie?:
All the time. I am a total wuss. I’m off to see the cheesefest that is ‘Music and Lyrics’ in a couple of hours and I’ll probably even cry at that!

• Would you leave the house without makeup on?:
Frequently. I’m more into makeup than I used to be, but oftentimes I just wash and go.

• Do you consider making out "unladylike"?
No! But then again, surely this question depends on who you’re making out with? And where you are? And why you’re making out with them?

• On a scale of 1-10, how fun is shopping?:
Clothes / shoes: 4. Clothes /shoes with the true genii that we call Jean and Mlle Wilson: 8. Book / toiletry / stationery / DVD / music shopping: 9.

• Are you a girly-girl, tomboy, or in the middle?
In the middle somewhere – equally happy halfway up a hill, romping, battling the elements or sat at home reading ‘Elle’, watching ‘The OC’ and doing a manicure.

• Do you think lipgloss is the best?
Am I meant to? I use lipbalm and lipgloss, but it’s just an accessory, not a lifechoice!

• Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show?
Nah, it’ll be repeated or I’ll play catch up. Life’s too short to stress over stuff like that :-).

• Do you obsess over your looks?
Yes, sometimes.

• How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?:
Between 20 minutes and two hours! Totally dependent on mood, destination and inclination.

• Do you wear sweatpants/pajama pants to school/work?
Not to school or work, no, but they are bliss for around the house while you’re doing housework, paperwork and phone calls.

• Accessories make the outfit- true or false:
They can, but a truly awesome outfit or piece will speak for itself also.

• Are you a sucker for skater guys?
Back in my youth (circa 17th century) yes, I was. Now, not so much.

• Is pink truly the best color in the entire universe?:
It’s one of them.

• Status?
"Currently single”, to quote Eb.

• Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy?
No. That would not work, surely? Maybe I could have a cunning disguise!!!

• Do you often wish there was something you could change?
Yep.

• Silver?
Lovely, as is gold, I just like pretty shiny things!

• The guy that you like, what does his name begin with?:
A letter! Oh, I’m feeling revelatory….a consonant!

Seriously, if I was going to tell all, would this really be the forum? ;-)

• Do you dress up too much for holidays?
Not really. I dress up a little, but stop well before themed sweater sets and holiday jewellery.

• Do you like wearing dresses?
Yes!

• Do you write a lot of mushy love poems?:
No. Mainly because it would crack me up to read them back. I do like some love poems though ~ my current favourite (and a bit of a perennial favourite of mine) is ‘Where We Belong, A Duet’ by Maya Angelou. Gorgeous.

• On a scale of 1-10, how much do guys confuse you?
Somewhere between 1 and 10, dependent on which guy we’re talking about and my relation to him. A good mate like Hoti I can fathom out most of the time….with a boy I like I am all at sixes and sevens throughout!

• Do you worry/fuss about your weight?
Who doesn’t? But I know it’s a work in progress, and the last year or so has taught me so much about how I got to be this size and how I can get the shape I want – five more pounds and I’m halfway to my goal weight! I know, how sad to get excited, but I’ll take motivation where I can find it!

• What makeup could you NOT live without?
I think I could live without any of it...I'd miss it, but it's not an essential.

There, was that vapid enough? Hee. Have a great day everybody!

Cxx

Monday, February 12, 2007

Singalong Sunday, 11 February 2007

Fasten your seatbelts, we could be in for a bumpy post, to paraphrase Bette Davis. Man, I love Bette Davis. Anyhow, I am currently in the grip of a minor attack of the mean reds / the blues / the wow, it’s half-term and I actually have time to think while my brain is actually ons. Add this to the fact that we are three short days away from Valentine’s Day (dun-nah, dun-nah, dun-nah, dun-nah….Jaws theme time) and guess which subject drops front and centre?

Yep, it’s going to be love. L’amour. Lurve. The affairs of the heart.

Sigh.

Now, unlike many single girls, I’m not actually anti-Valentines Day. No, I think if you’re single, you have many options – you can ignore it, you can bitch about it, you can make it a day of fabulosity (past Valentines have included shopathons, brunches that ended past midnight, and movie fests par excellence). It’s all good. For most singles I know, VD (hee…) is just something we’re not party to (a bit like Mother’s day is only special for mums, and the end of a half-term only matters to teachers, pupils and parents. Many’s the time I’ve called up a girlfriend and been all “Yay! Half-term!”, only to have her remind me that in the real world that counts for nothing). At most it’s an excuse for cocktails and / or a girls night out. The only heartsink comes when you check the mail and….nothing. Boo. And yes, I still check the mail on Valentine’s Day with a teeny little bit of ‘maybe’ in my thoughts, what of it? Hope springs eternal, y’all!

So if it’s not the singles I feel sorry for, who could it be?

I feel sorry for the poor schmucks who are in a casual / dating thing at this time of year. If you’re in love it’s fab, you can totally go to town and/or be chilled, if you’re single you can opt out, but if you’re in one of those in betweeny things…..urgh. There are no cards from Hallmark which say “Be my emotional stopgap until something more significant comes along.” No stuffed animals say “You’re not the One, but you’ll do”. It must be tortuous…do too much and it’s clingy and an overstep, do nothing and what? She’s just a friend now? Talk about a minefield.

So, anyway, this week’s singalong is gonna get a bit soppy…or rambly, I haven’t decided yet. It’s all going to be love songs of one ilk or another, and may involve some harsh truths. Eek.

1. I Never Loved A Man (The Way I Love You) – Aretha Franklin.

Ah, Aretha. Is there anything more Sunday than chilling out with a cup of coffee and a good book, listening to Aretha? Love it.

Anyways, as regular readers will know, were I to sing this song, the parentheses would be defunct (damn, look at me getting all linguistic up in here!). I have never been in love. But I have come pretty close….twice, and I think these two relationships kind of define the big ol’ mess my heart is at times.

Boy 1 I met at university in my second year…

2. Let’s Make Love and Listen To Death From Above – CSS

Trust me, I’d love to.

Anyways, boy one, let’s call him Will. Well, anyways, we meet through a shared interest and in a Claire fashion I fall way too hard too soon. This is still a major factor in my lovelife I must admit – I fall for people way too easily. Clever, huh? Anyways, after a few months I tell him how I feel (feel free to flinch, I totally am at this point. Perhaps I could work cringing into my workout schedule? And cringe, two, three, four…hold.). And he lets me down easy. And we become friends. For two years. Two years of BS. Him stringing me along, and messing with my head, and being passive-aggressive. Me being stupid and masochistic and foolish. Luckily, two years in he left town, but it took me that long to see what the heck was going on.

Dumb, huh?

3. Saving All My Love For You – Whitney Houston.

Not as good as her eighties pop, but the lady gives good ballad.

Boy number 2 I met my final year of university. Let’s call him Bill. Ahahaha, Will and Bill. Even my pseudonyms are rhyming – guess what grammar I was covering with my class this week? Anyway, Bill was textbook wonderful (and therefore, not my type!). But I totally fancied him, in a really healthy “wow” way. So what did I do? Did I tell him? Did I take a chance?

Oh hell no. I told you, I am a complete disaster in this arena.

I made friends with him, dated a guy who wound up semi-stalking me (expensive gifts, 4 am phone calls, borderline harassment – great for the soul, trust me), and completely ignored my feelings for Bill. Go Claire, go Claire!

4. Love’s First Kiss – Michael Nesmith.

But in this case, fate stepped in. In the early summer (yes, just before I graduated and he left the country for over a year….) we met at a friend’s party. And had a few drinks. And got talking. And wound up telling each other how much we liked each other, and how we had since the autumn.

Yay!

So, there was kissing and fun and awesomeness, and we decided to just leave it for the time being. So far, all good, right? Midsummer, and I travel down to his for his birthday party. It’s a great party, it’s amazing, it’s everything it should be. I’m next to him on the seating plan, his family are the awesome, it’s a great night.

But this wouldn’t be a Claire story if I didn’t screw it up somehow.

5. Love Song – Tilly and the Wall.

Oh man. I’ll get back to the story in a minute, I swear, but I just have to say how much I love this song….it’s gorgeous. I’m going to see TatW next month and I’m quite seriously afraid that I may cry when this comes up on the set list.

So anyway, we’re at the party. And I have one of those drunken epiphanies. Always an error. Anyways, I look at Bill, so handsome and strong and together and nice and clever, and it dawns on me – I’m all wrong for him. I don’t deserve a guy like him. And he’s going overseas and I don’t want him to feel tied to me and….

I realise I have to make him see this. So I kiss his best friend.

I am still mad at myself for this whopper of a misstep.

6. I Used To Love Him – Lauryn Hill.

This song is genius. How much do I want Lauryn to get herself together and release a proper follow up the ‘The Miseducation of….”?

So Bill left the country, I left uni, we grew up and moved on. We’re still friends and he’s a truly great guy, but on this one I have to hold up my hand and say “Yep. I messed that one up good.”

So those two are the closest calls, the nearest I came to falling for someone. But it was always going to be a losing game, I must admit. The facts of the matter are…I think I’m capable of intense, amazing, wholehearted and pure love. And it absolutely terrifies me. I’ve seen the true splendour and horror of love in its myriad forms in my life and the lives of those around me, and this keeps me running. Hope, lust, abandonment, abuse, heartbreak, selflessness, kindness….the power you give to someone when you let them in. The gamble you take. What’s at stake.

Wow, who knew I had a deep side? ;-)

7. You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me – Dusty Springfield.

I love this track. It’s one of my favourite karaoke tracks, but it only works if you go all Edith Piaf on it, clutching a tumbler of bourbon and mugging up a storm. Good times.

So, the fear keeps me going. I have run away from almost every chance of a relationship I’ve had. Does that make me a commitmentphobe? Perhaps. I have run physically, mentally, emotionally. I’ve hidden, both literally and figuratively. I’ve been too loud, too quiet, too confident, too shy, too clever, too clingy, too standoffish….I am fat (or large, or chubby, you choose the euphemism) because I figured that way guys wouldn’t notice me. They still do. So I take it to the next step.

8. To Be Loved – Curtis Stigers.

Cheesey Dawson’s Creek track alert!

If and when I like a guy, or when I get the idea that someone likes me, I am blue ribbon level at getting rid of them. The guys who call and are keen and involved? I ignore. The ones who need their space and are aloof? I call and email and clamour for. So wrong. So what I’ve been doing.

But, I’m growing out of it.

I think I’ve always felt, deep down, like I’m not good enough. Like I don’t deserve the whole love thing. I mean, I am lucky. I’ve got so much of the package, the job, the friends, the passions…perhaps anything else would just be greedy?

The more I think about it, the more I realise that’s the fear talking.

9. Elephant Love Medley – Ewan McGregor, Nicole Kidman et al.

Because I am scared. Really scared. To fall in love, to give up that much power, to be that dependent on another person? Eek. I may have to go sit down. Hang on, I am sat down. But do you know what I mean? I hope so, otherwise you guys are going to conclude that I’m a mental, or that I have been drinking. Neither of those conclusions would be correct.

I think it’s just I’ve dabbled before and sustained some pretty harsh body blows….it’s going to take a lot of steeling to get back out there. But I think it’s time.

Come on fate, bring it!

10. Dedicated To The One I Love – The Mamas and the Papas.

Hee, I’m such a geek. On our love theme, no only did I go for love songs, I also made sure they all had “love” itself in the title. It’s wrong how much that tickles me.

So there, we have it, a baring of bones. If you made it to the end of a rather epic ramble (hey, this is my break from levelling and assessment :-)), kudos. Oh, and in advance, Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love, as always,

Cxx

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Parents Evening is even stressing out my clothing....

Before I roll out the post I dutifully did at 6 a.m., a comedy anecdote for you all...

Teaching my gang a ceilidh-folk type dance, guess who, while dancing, went one way, but her trousers didn't quite follow and therefore tore? Guess who also didn't notice this? And had to be told by a precocious (and fairly brave, I think) eight-year-old....."Miss? Your trousers have gone wrong."

I love my life! :-)

Cxx

Here are some questions for the people who are a little more mature, stolen from about twenty of my fellow bloggers!

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
My loan payment – I appreciate that I had to pay to get qualified and be where I am now…but sometimes the payments suck.

2. Where's the best place to eat a romantic dinner?
Anywhere where you’re with the right person! I’d probably go for at home, where you can relax, or at a nice little cheap and cheerful hole in the wall.

3. Last time you puked from drinking?
Too long ago to remember! High five! Haha, it’s actually only happened twice, back in my mispent youth – once due to punch, the other time was the first time I met Senor Cuervo!

4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
Never danced on the bar. Podium / stage? A few years back.

5. What is the name of your 2nd grade teacher?
Can’t remember the one at Applegrove, at Hayfield Lane it was the true horror of Mrs Gofton. Wow, was she ever a bad teacher.

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Still sleeping? Nah, I’m actually good with where I am right now – cosy, having a coffee, easing into the day.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
Writer / singer / teacher / DJ / diplomat / mum / shop owner / actress / journalist / John Craven on Newsround. I’m thinking of working through them all!

8. How many colleges did you attend?
2 – Aberdeen for undergrad, Durham for post-.

9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?
Because it’s warm and comfy – it’s an old one I threw on over my PJs.

10. GAS PRICES First thought?
Isn’t it crazy that we’re not putting more money into alternatives?

11. If you could be anywhere and take someone with you...Who WOULD IT BE?
I’d fly to Canada next week, and take the Gilesgaters, Hannabanana, Hoti and Emma with me.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
"5.30? What? OK, I’ll lie in till 6. My god, I just referred to six as a lie-in. Scary.”

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Probably something inane about parents’ evening.

14- What chore do you despise?
Hoovering. Most of the time. I think it’s mainly cos our hoover sucks. Or actually, when I think about it, it’s precisely because our hoover doesn’t suck.

15. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery?
Nope. Somewhere else, yep, but not a gallery.

16. Get up early or sleep in?
Sleep in... sleep in as late as possible without mashing up the day.

17. Who is your favorite cartoon character?
Homer Simpson.

20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
Just hang out, watching movies and listening to music, chatting and relaxing.

21. A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing?
If I told you, it wouldnt be a secret.

22. Are you planning on remaining in your current field?
I could and might (I love it and I’m (allegedly!) good at it), but I am definitely tempted to go and try on some different careers in the next few years…. But I imagine I’ll come back to teaching and / or always be involved with working with or for kids in some way, shape, or form.

23. If you are not married, do you see yourself married in the next five years?
That would be great. So, yes please.

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Anything identifiable – years of mystery meat have terrified me into a knowledge of what I’m eating frenzy!

25. What do you get every time you go into a Wal-Mart?
Something that I didn’t need but that was a freaking steal.

26. Beach or lake?
Beach, beach, beach. Or lake. I just love the water (and yet am living in one of the most inland places in the entire U.K.. Seriously, how did I get here?).

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20?
No. I think it’s lovely, but not for everyone. Trust me, if I find the person I’m meant to marry, I’m going to be doing the vows and commitment thing, stat. The whole spending twenty thousand pounds on a wedding, however, I will not be doing!

28. Who do you stalk on MySpace?
Heh, no-one. I don’t have the time to commit to stalking!

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
It’s going to have to go plural – napping, long baths, cheesey eighties and nineties pop, a good swear when I’m annoyed, pasta, cheese and red wine.

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
I own far too many teen-demographic movies to get into this. I think the fact that I can pretty much quote ‘Mean Girls’, ‘Clueless’ and ‘Bring It On’ verbatim says a lot.

31. What's "your" drink?
Anything / everything depending where I am. Mainly water though!

32. Cowboys or Indians?
The woman who owns the saloon.

33. Cops or Robbers?
The police reporter (I like a defined character).

34. Do you cheer for the bad guy?
Depends why, exactly, he’s bad.

35. What hollywood star do you look most alike?
Al Pacino. Heh. In all seriousness, I don’t know. Answers on a postcard please!

36. If you had to pick one, which cast member of Lost would you be?
I don’t watch Lost. Could we do this about Grey’s or House or Ugly Betty, please?

37. What do you want when you are sick?
Someone to take care of me, and snuggle with me. Haha ~ totally with Jana on this one!

38. Who from high school would you like to run into?
Most of the cool folk I do run into / see occasionally. Lucky me, huh?

39. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
No car – classroom is tuned to Classic fm, home to Radio 2.

42. Norm or Cliff? (Cheers)
Both, for a drunken night out and playing of darts.

43. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
Simpsons, although I do love Cosby sweaters.

44. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Not a thing. The mistakes show you what you need to avoid / improve / seek / change. Wow, when did I turn into a grown up?

45. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
That would be my class…..yeah, I love them to pieces.

46. If you could get away with it, whom would you kill?
No one. I would never want that on my conscience.

47. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Right now, Hillary Rodham Clinton. So many questions.

48. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
No, touch wood.

49. Last book you read for real?
A funny book called ‘I Hate Other Peoples Kids’. Now onto a slab of chicklit, always good for late night reading!

50. Do you have a teddy bear?
Yes. And thanks for reminding me – I need to take him into school today (we’re having a teddy bears picnic this week :-)).

51. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
In a valley in Wales, looking out and up to Snowdonia. I do freak out my kids by brushing my teeth in my classroom (by the sink, never fear) each early avo break too…..I’m all about the dental hygiene.

52. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
The Golden Gate bridge.

53. Number of texts in a day?
Between none and twenty ~ totally varies, but probably averages somewhere in the two to five zone.

54. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship?
Relationship. Ask me again after Parents' Evening, however!

55. Pencil or pen?
Pen. Most of the time.

56. bueller??? bueller??? bueller???
“Anyone???”
"Ferris Bueller, you're my hero"
Hee.

57. How many jobs have you had?
9? I think? If we count them all from the very start.

58. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Oh man, I’m trying to figure it out. Ideally I’d be happy, fairly settled, fulfilled, married to whoever I’m meant to be married to and working on having a brood of kids. To quote ‘Love Actually’, in ten years I’d like to be having lots of sex and babies. Oh, and naps, of course.

And on that hopeful note, it’s time to jump. Parents’ Evening tonight – wish me luck!

Have a great day!

Cxx

Monday, February 05, 2007

Singalong Sunday, 4th February

So tired. In such a good way. Let’s singalong, shall we?

1. Losing My Religion – R.E.M.

Haha, I genuinely love my media player right now. How apt that in the week I jump ship from a church this song comes up first…. So yes, I’ve decided to leave the whole situation behind. Truth be told I’d caused ripples within the church before, I think (for example, I’m not anti-gay and refuse to be so because someone further up the church tree decrees it. That was a fun ladies group session), and I think the total lack of support from anyone on the pastoral team over this week’s debacle was a rather delightful mix of ignorance, apathy and not knowing how to accommodate differences of opinion within the church. Not one person from church has come out to defend or help me, or even see how I am – to be frank a church where things like this happen and foul up like this (over something so small!) is not a church I want to be part of.

To conclude, still Christian, still loving it, now back to having lie-ins on Sundays :-).

2. Lights Are Changing- Mary Lou Lord

So this weekend has been busy, but great fun – just as much fun as I’d been hoping for. Don’t you love when that happens? All too often you can look forward to something for ages and then it disappoints…but I have had a superb weekend. I’m exhausted now and my feet hurt, but I feel so relaxed and chilled and fulfilled, it’s quite intoxicating.

As soon as school was out yesterday I threw my stuff together, headed back to mine, then headed to the train station on my trusty yellow steed (viva la Bumblebee!).

3. Chain Reaction – Diana Ross.

The lyrics to this are quite the inappropriate a rama, don’t you think?

An hour later I was in Marylebone, and so ready for some fun in the city. I adore the country, the space, the pace of life, but a jaunt to the city always does me good. It’s busier and sparkier somehow, and I love how everyone in London struts. I totally strut when I walk around London, and crack up when I catch myself doing so. In the countryside my gait is probably more like a lollop!

4. The Way We Get By – Spoon.

So, across town I ventured, to the delights of Arsenal, where the lovely Emma and Stu now live. They have got an adorable flat near the Emirates stadium (and they are not joking when they say near the stadium – it’s what their front room looks out onto! Pics to demonstrate will follow). We had pasta, we preened, we watched some footy on the telly, we derided the performance of Scotland in the Six Nations, and then Emma and I headed out.

5. Put Your Records On – Corinne Bailey Rae.

Within twenty minutes we were in Leicester Square (I got IDed again. If that doesn’t say a lot for moisturising regularly, I don’t know what does….), Coronas in hand and a hearty chat going on. I love the chats you can have with good friends you’ve know a while, where there’s lots of backstory and history and you just know each other really well. We chatted about work, men, plans, dreams, travel and generally caught each other up, and all in time before Shaun joined us!

6. Let’s Get It On – Marvin Gaye

Oh man, I loooove this track. Just one of the sexiest and smoothest make out songs of all time.

So Shaun and Emma and I had another beer and a very boozy cocktail, then headed off to the club we’d been to last time. Which was closed. Not just closed, but boarded up closed. Never a good sign!

Undeterred, we called Shaun’s friends and skiddaddled to Tottenham Court Road to meet them. I love the tube (even when it’s rammed with theatregoers post-‘Dirty Dancing’, it’s just so convenient!). Drinks, then walking for two miles (in heels! Past Hamleys! Where there was a giant My Little Pony!). Eventually we get to Piccadilly, and a club where we paid ten quid to get in (please don’t get me started) and then hated the music. Nevertheless, the banter and fun was all there, so we had fun. Till about half two when we departed for the joy of the night bus. Once we’d changed seats because the guy next to us was actually vomiting (ewwwwwwww) the journey was fine. We even had a nice conversation with two wannabe actors about the etiquette of kebabs.

It was nice to have a proper Saturday night.

7. How To Be Dead – Snow Patrol.

And it was even nicer to get to bed. A great night’s sleep, a hot shower, a fried egg sandwhich and some more chat with Emma and Stu, then I bid them goodbye and set off once more for lunch and fun with Hoti.

And we just had a brilliant afternoon – he’s one of my best mates and we always seem to have a great time no matter what we do. Today was no exception (pics to follow!).

8. Brimful of Asha (Norman Cook Remix) – Cornershop.

First of all we went to lunch in a restaurant which was porn level in its d├ęcor – beads and pillows and velvet and lowlighting, oh my (and bow-chicka-bow-wow also). Great food though, all Arab and Turkish stuff. We ate tonnes of goodies and were sat next to a table of incredibly good value girls – the kind that assume that everyone wants to hear all about their catfight at high school, friend’s sexual escapades, exes deficiencies etc. etc.. They were very loud but also amusing, so we went with it. My favourite was the girl in the group who was really really quiet, except for every five minutes or so when a new guy’s name would crop up and she’d say “Oh, he’s so hot.” I kid you not, every time, every guy. That was her sole contribution. Nice.

9. New Slang – The Shins

After we had eaten a ludicrous amount, we decided to venture off into the city. It was such a nice day it seemed silly to waste it. We walked and talked for hours and had a great time. We got off the tube at Bank, walked through the enormity of the city, went past St.Paul’s, over Millennium bridge and on past Tate Modern. A long walk along the South Bank, then through Westminster, Whitehall and Trafalgar. Miles and miles through the city. Is there anything more fun than walking along on a cool crisp day with one of your favourite friends, just chatting and catching up? OK, there might be some things that are just as much fun, but it’s up there, right? A great afternoon.

10. Baby C’mon – Stephen Malkus.

And now I’m home and bathed and ready for bed…..this week is going to be high stress, but this weekend has been really good fun.

Apologies for spellings, grammar, rambling – it is definitely time for bed now.

Sweet dreams and wishes for a lovely week to all!

Cxx

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Yesterday was a beautiful day...




So I took some pics of our school in the unseasonal (and warm!!) sunshine:


My building, where I spend altogether too much time.


The view from the top of our wee hillock.



Main school, the gate, and beyond.


Main school dappled with winter sun.



Summery shoes!! In February!!11!!11!

I wish you all a beautiful, beautiful day, wherever you are.

Love,
Cxx

Friday, February 02, 2007

Lalalala, thank the frogs it's Friday

Gorgeous folk,

I’m thinking this is going to be a bit of a ramble. It’s twenty past ten on a Thursday and I just feel beat – it’s been a week of compiling, comparing and formatting reports and target updates and I just feel like I never want to see another report template in my life. It’s the part of my job that reminds me why I’d never survive too long in the office life. Reports aren’t the worst thing in the world (despite what many say), and can oftentimes be useful, but…..writing and proofreading and filing them can be deathly dull.

However, I’ll no doubt be looking back on this epoch of paperwork as a true beacon of serenity, calm and fair weather when next week rolls around, because yes (you guessed it!) it’s parent-teacher meeting time again. Now, I like the parents of my pupils, I love the kids, and I’ve got loads of great news to impart…but….there’s always the potential for left field things (last time my top two fave randoms were the ten minute ramble about biscuits (?), and a five minute tirade about rugby) to jam the system somewhat.

So work’s been busy, but it’s all good. Social life has been pretty good also (in that all too rare free time), and I’m down to London for the weekend again (yay!). I’m staying with one of my favourite couples (the delectable Emma and Stu) and we’re going to go drink ridiculously monikered cocktails and go dancing. And then on Sunday Hoti and I are going to do one of our lunch things. I’m looking forward to it.

[Y’all. I’m so tired. But I figured I’d blog to say hi and hello there and let you all know I’m fine after church-gate. There are still a few after ripples but in the main I think it’s sorted. Hey, you never know, but I think the drama has at least subsided.]

So it’s been a hectic week, but a week with lots of fun and excitement, including a package from the US with five (count ‘em!) scarves made by the gorgeous Kimber – they are beautiful, fabulous and warm (that’s pretty much my recipe for the ideal man also, FWIW); a great dinner with Fi and Seb (with Angel Delight! Woo!); tickets booked for Brian Wilson (that sound you heard Tuesday morning? Was me squeeing); driving lessons sorted (hilarity soon to ensue, I’m sure); and my next trip home arranged (April in Forres, nothing like it :-)). On top of lessons, reports, sleep and trying to be a regular human bean, I’d say that’s pretty good.

And now, I’m going to finish watching skins and go to bed. Next time I’m going to post you a kenning written by my Set 3 (lower ability pupils represent!!) lovelies….once we’d got the rudiments sorted they decided they wanted to write one for me.

Have a fabulous day,

Cxx

PS The George Clooney thing is quite bizarre. I eat all my lunches with the kids (trust me, getting 17 of them fed, watered and trained in basic table manners is quite a feat. I don’t jest when I call lunch a lesson!), and the top topic of conversation this week? Is my impending relationship, nuptials and offspring with Mr Clooney. C’est tres, tres bizarre – pinnacles of the chat this week include the decision that our children will, in fact be good looking (“Well, Miss, he’s fairly good looking and you’re very pretty…” Is it any wonder I love these kids to pieces? I did before the flattery, but now it’s unstoppable), and also, the boys questioning whether he is in fact worthy of their tutor. They’re mental, but my kids do crack me the heck up.

Have a great weekend!

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