A Blue Day...

Ay me. We all have an area, a something, a somewhere that we screw up again and again and again. Maybe we've been hurt before, or let down, or disappointed. Maybe we're just scared.

Me, I built myself up to something today....and didn't make it.

It's a tiny wee thing, and I'm fine, but it took place smack bang in the middle of the area that I find hard (for some darn good reasons, I must say). Which is bad. But it will be OK. Tomorrow I can try again, right?

But as I type this, I'm feeling a little blue. And like the perpetual teenager that I am, I'm going to use lyrics to describe how I'm feeling...This song kind of sums it up:

Uncomfortably Slow, by Newton Faulkner (bolding in verse 2 mine, all mine)

Travelling again I know exactly how it's gonna end
The routine day dream starts as I get off
I'm holding up the queue
Because my ticket won't go through
I know it should be simple but it's not

So don't take my photograph
Cos I don't wanna know how it looks
To feel like this
As cars and people pass
It feels like standing still but I know
I'm just moving uncomfortably slow

Something's gotta change
I know I'm lucky in a lot of ways
So why do I want more
Than what I have?
Brace myself to hear the lies
I wonder if they know that I
Don't get the jokes but I just
Need to laugh

So don't take my photograph
Cos I don't wanna know how it looks
To feel like this
As cars and people pass
It feels like standing still but I know
I'm just moving uncomfortably slow
I'm just moving uncomfortably

Slow down
There's infinite detail
When you break it down
It all becomes simple how
It all becomes clearer now
So don't take my photograph
Cos I don't wanna know how it looks
To feel like this
As cars and people pass
It feels like standing still but
I know I'm just moving sub-consciously
One day I guess I'll be
The man that you think you see
I'm just moving uncomfortably

I'm so blessed, I know. But sometimes I guess you just have to go with the sadness.
I'm sending you all hugs.

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It's Sunday :-)

Hello all!

Wow, I'm tired. The pace of term is always hectic, but it seems to have ratcheted up even more for this term.... It's fine, just exhausting. But that's the peril of this job - the holidays are divine, but the termtime is manic!

Have just been here in school working for a few hours and catching up on the emailing, before that was church and the gym. I'm getting quite into the gym actually, and I must be doing something right - 6 pounds down already! Thanks so much to those of you that have sponsored me, it's great to be able to help such a good cause.

This weekend has been chilled, which is good, because I'm about to hit a run of busy ones - Manchester, London/Birmingham, London (then a week in Madrid), then London again. It's great to be busy and seeing so many people, but I do feel a little run ragged at times, heehee.

Last night I saw the whole video to 'Ice Ice Baby' for the first time in years. Dudes, I so have to learn that dance. It's amazing. Lord bless the late 80s/early 90s.

Thank you for all the nice emails etc about the feeling blue over a boy. It's no bigger, I guess I'm just going through one of those I-wish-there-was-some-romance-in-my-life phases that hit us all from time to time. Tonight I'm going to see 'PS, I Love You' with the girls - hopefully that'll stave off the cravings!

Right, better get to the photocopier before I run out of steam! Have a great week, all!

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Perpetual motion...

So, term is back with a bang. I am really throwing myself into work, as you have to around here. And then in my free time I'm trying to keep up with the healthkick (gymming and swimming and pilates, oh my!) and the reading list. And not neglect my friends and family. Oh, and sleep.

One good side effect is that I have very little time to think (well, unless you count the random ponderings which I always get when I'm on the cross trainer). Which is lucky because this stupid crush just won't budge. And I don't think this guy even realises I am, in fact, a girl, and at least fairly entertaining on a good day, let alone anything beyond that.

Isn't it sad how a really tiny part of your life like that can magnify and get you down?


So the huge amount of busyness is opportune, I guess. And there's fun in amongst it - plans for a Join Meet, Madrid with Hannabanana just around the bend, visits on the cards to and fro lots of folk, and enough drinks and cinema plans to keep me doing OK.

Bottom line: It would be even nicer if he liked me. But he doesn't, so let's roll with what we've got, eh?

Good Lord, I'm a cliche some days.

More soon! Given the current pace of life, I think little and often may be the thing...

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Easy like Sunday morning…Sunday Singalong 6/1/08.

Ah, don’t you just love the Sunday morning Hollyoaks omnibus? I am slouched on the couch, I’ve just done some more paperwork (bane of my very existence!), and now it’s time for a brief update. I *am* going to get back into updating regularly! It’s just with no net at home, it’s a case of writing then uploading as and when I can…but I’m working on getting a connection at home again, so then I’ll be a total ubergeek. Yeah, like I get enough free time for that!

So here we are – 2008! I’ve got a feeling that this year’s going to be a busy one. What have you guys got planned? I really enjoyed 2007, all things considered, and hope I can say the same at the end of 2008. 2007 was one of the most random years of my life, but in a really nice way.

Right, let’s revive an old format, shall we?

It’s time to singalong!

1. Perhaps Vampires Is A Bit Strong – Arctic Monkeys.

It’s dawning on me more and more. As uncool as it may be to like them, I do really like the Arctic Monkeys, and the Kaiser Chiefs, whatever the scenesters might make of them. I just like really rocky bands with lots of guitar based goodness (hello also Foo Fighters and Biffy Clyro) – and I hope I get to see some of them live this year. I do want to get to more gigs, I always have a blast when I do, but sometimes I’m so knackered from teaching etc, it feels like a bit of an effort! And it really shouldn’t. As I vow at the start of every term, my job is just that – a job. Not the be all and end all! Remind me of that in a month and a half once I’m buried under a mountain of reports and assessments….

2. Beautiful – Carole King.

Oh, this is such a lovely song, and it’s from one of my favourite albums. I’m also jealous of the lyrics “I got nothing much to do, but watch the passers-by”…I love days like that. One of my favourite things when I take the train to London or wherever, is watching the people on my carriage, or the people we pass by, and imagine who they are and what they do, and where they’re going and how they are. I love making up tales in my head. I also love the things you catch, the tiny moments and fragments of life you’re party to when no-one knows you’re watching for that brief gap in time…

3. Somewhere Only We Know – Keane.

This song reminds me of two completely different occasions, several years apart. The whole ‘Hopes and Fears’ album reminds me of my time at Q, and particularly driving around in Storrsie’s wee car on our days off, eager to be out and away and doing something other than watching over our charges. It also reminds me of a party last year, where a bunch of us gathered round the piano for a singalong (haha, how country are we?), until it was just Gareth playing and me singing, working through the Keane songbook. If I recall correctly, I had to sing my little socks off – it was the evening of K5 and I’d been accosting people to hug them all day…

4. Twelve Thirty (Young Girls Are Coming To The Canyon) – The Mamas and the Papas.

Hehe. This particular run of music is many things, but hip it is not! I quite like having an eclectic taste in music though…I guess it’s because I like to just go with exactly what I like, what I connect to – I’m as happy listening to Steps as I am to Tilly and the Wall as I am to Brian Wilson as I am to Make Model. I just love feeling that live connection to what a musician has created. Music is powerful like that, don’t you think? Once term kicks in, I’m totally going to make some new mix CDs (bids?)…

5. Eine Kleine Nachtmusik – Mozart.

Hoo yeah, I am breaking out the classical music! I do love classical music (although I’m a total populist…I like Mozart, Bach, Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, Elgar…the big boys!). We are very lucky that our local theatre is one of the home bases of the RPO – Janet and Bob took me to see Beethoven’s 9th, I took them to see Elgar’s Enigma Variations and Cello Concerto (so so SO good – I literally almost cried it was so beautiful!), and next month I think we’re going to see Carmina Burana (I think that’s the weekend after I’m going to see Make Model – contrast is a fabulous thing!)…

6. Concrete Schoolyard – Jurassic 5.

OMFG. I lurve this song! Jurassic 5 are probably one of my favourite hiphop/rap acts (although Lupe Fiasco is totally growing on me also), and this is just a slice of 90s rap genius. I just love the whole attitude – leaving a lot of the BS at the door and just breaking out some amazing rhymes over a great bassline and piano track. No matter what mood I’m in, this song cheers me up, I just remember walking around listening to my CD walkman (retro!!) and bopping my head as I walked to go babysitting, or waitress, or get to class. Good times…

7. For Once In My Life – Frank Sinatra.

Ah, the chairman of the board! Unlike many people, I came exceptionally late to the Frank party. My parents never listened to him, and I grew up so distant from my grandparents, aunts and uncles they had no sway whatsoever in the bigger things, let alone musical development! I believe I first got into Frank at uni – I had to do a song for a concert that he’d done a version of (‘Someone To Watch Over Me’), and I developed a bit of a musical crush…

8. Enid – Barenaked Ladies

Yay Canada! I love this band…I love the humour and intellect in their lyrics, set against some pretty awesome melodies. I just wish they toured over here more, but I guess they don’t have the fanbase over here that they command in North America. Here they’ve only had one major hit (‘One Week’), which was a bit gimmicky, so friends are always taken aback when I play them of their other songs (‘What A Good Boy’ is heartbreaking…have you heard it? ‘Call and Answer’? ‘Pinch Me?’). Hahaha, this post is turning into a musical geek fest! It may well end with me loading you down with CDs to listen to before you go…

9. The Middle – Jimmy Eat World.

Oh man, oh man. One of the most uplifting songs I know. It’s just perfect for bouncing around your room to when you’ve had a bad day, or a letdown, or a breakup, or a heartbump, or just a bit of a low one. Lots of guitars, sweet-as lyrics, and an actual ‘woo!’. That’s like a recipe for musical perkiness. And y’all know how I like to keep it perky!

10. Before He Cheats – Carrie Underwood.

Yes, I own the disc of the American Idol winner who sang ‘Jesus, Take the Wheel’. What of it? Do you know what, it was a gift, and I kind of love it – there are some great songs on it, including this one. What’s more awesomely country than a song about trashing your lover’s ‘pretty little souped up four wheel drive’ because he’s fooling around with a trampy skank who likes singing Shania Twain karaoke (badly)? If this guilty pleasure is wrong, hells, I don’t want to be right…

So there we have it, the first singalong of 2008, and the most musical one in a while. More bloggy stuff soon!

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2008....it begins...

It’s a little after midnight on New Year’s Day (Happy New Year, everyone! I hope your 2008 is suitably fabulous!). I feel like I’ve barely been still for about a week and a half, but finally, I’ve stopped….phew! It has been lovely, but I’m hoping that a slightly more chilled pace might take hold for the next few weeks (working ones socks off tends to help with that!). If only to gain time to read, do laundry and tidy up my flat!

But for now….a cup of tea and a blog post… This one’s snaffled from the lovely Tristan, and looks forward to the year to come.

1. Will you be looking for a new job?
Um…maybe. If you’d asked me a few months ago, I’d probably have said yes, but now I’m not so sure. I do love what I do, but there are things I have to change if I want to stay here… Is that vague enough?

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
Heck to the yes! Well, not so much looking, because that would imply having a clue about such things…but I’d love to find a boy to have adventures with.

3. Will you be looking for sex?
Hahaha, see above.

4. What will you do different in '08?
Writing the date?

5. New Years Resolution?
I’ll just keep working at my list, ta (update soon), and keep attacking my sponsored weightloss (do feel free to join that party, by the way – it’s all for the kids!).

6. What will you not be doing in '08?
Er…smoking? I never have, so surely it would be a weird thing to start doing?

7. Any trips planned?
Oooooh, yes please! Hannah and I are doing Madrid in Feb, I’d like to hit various Join Meets (Loverpool, FabFeb and Chester, I am looking at you in particular!), a couple of trips back home, a few trips hither and thither, and maybe, just maybe (funds permitting) a flight to Indiana to see Caroline and Jeremy make it official!

8. Wedding plans?
Dude…that would require a heckish amount of organisation, given my current single status.

9. Major thing on your calendar?
Ooooh, allsorts. I love a good calendar!

10. What can’t you wait for?
Fun and frolics and (heavens allowing) some good old fashioned pashing. I'm going to blame my use of the word pashing on the Summer Heights High session yesterday!

11. What would you like to see happen different?
Stuff and things, I guess.

12. What about yourself will you be changing?
Size, I hope….

13. What happened in ‘07 that you didn’t think would happen?
I passed my driving test… I got hit by a car… I went on holiday on my own (proper own, as well)…and I took more chances. Long may that last one continue!

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
I think I’m doing OK in that respect…and I intend to stay as lovely as possible when it comes to my gang!

15. Will you dress differently in '08 than you did in '07?
No doubt. I do like shopping for new spangles.

16. Will you start or quit drinking?
Why isn’t there an option just to keep drinking?

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
We’re cool, ta.

18. Will you do Volunteer work?
I’m going to do stuff for charity, but volunteering doesn’t mesh with my schedule at the current time – crazy timetabling! I might try and do a couple of weeks over the summer though.

19. Will you be nice to people you don't know?
Yes, I always try to be!

20. Do you expect '08 to be a good year for you?
I hope so.

21. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
Quite a bit, in hindsight. The essentials didn't change, but other stuff did.

22. Do you plan on having a child?
No, inasmuch as you can plan the things of fate and destiny. So, no then (apologies, it's late!).

23. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
I hope so. My friends are pretty damn awesome. I’ve also met some amazing people over the last 12 months, and I hope I continue to get to know them better.

24. Major lifestyle changes?
Not really – I’d like to sleep more, if at all poss, and read more, but I wouldn’t chuck either of those under the ‘major’ heading!

25. Will you be moving?
If number 1 does mean change, yes. If not, it’ll be year 4 chez Janet and Bob.

26. What will you make sure doesn’t happen in 08 that happened in 07?
Nothing within my control!

27. What are your New Years Eve plans?
I went to a Jixie party, and had a simply lovely time. Many thanks once again, you lovely couple of stunners!

28. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
No, I did not…but I did have good company, champagne, hugs, and a lovely sense of hope and goodness and fun and expectation for the year to come. I then had a giant hand to sit in. What more could I ask?

I hope your 2008 is blessed, wonderful and joyous, lovely folk.

With all my love,
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