Saturday, March 29, 2008

Self Rewinding

Last night I met up with a bunch of the Forres crew for "banter", and we went to one of our favourite pubs. The one we've all been frequenting for five, ten, or more years. And on Thursday and Friday I was through in Aberdeen, a place where I spent four years of my life. I had the best time, but it's always weird to be back in places that recall times past (to paraphrase Proust. Badly!).

Aberdeen was my home from the ages of 18 to 22, and it really was an experience. It taught me so much about who I was, and who I wanted to be. Some of that learning was really positive - great books were read, great debates were had, great songs were song, great friends were made, great challenges were overthrown... Some of that learning came the hard way - hurt, betrayal, unkindness, and through my own niavete, stupidity and youth. Very little of the important stuff I learnt had anything to do with either of my degree studies (Joint Honours English and Film Studies, if you're interested).

Because that's what you do at 18, isn't it? You start to get a handle on who you are as an adult (I'm still working on this ;)). My childhood was....interesting? Challenging? Troublesome? Random? Okayish? My teens were up and down, with me being far too much of a doormat for the early teens to survive well in the cutthroat world of teenage girldom...luckily, post 16 I got a clue and was much, much happier for it! And at uni this growth continued. Parts of the changes of uni life I aced. Cooking, nae bother. Laundry, no probs. Other stuff, I learned on a steeper curve...but I was blessed with some amazing friends, many of whom are still in my life (yes Amber, Morag, Shona, Caroline and Hannah. I'm talking about you!). The most challenging thing I had to learn?

That being me is OK. Most of the time!

Heh.

I am such an overthinking cliche sometimes.

It was nice to go back to Aberdeen, but do you know what? I doubt I'll ever live there again. Did I have a good time? Yes. Is it over? Yes. Like that ex who you still care about and want to see from time to time, but you know the love just isn't there anymore... I am done there.

I wonder where I'll end up calling home?

Love,
Cxx

8 comments:

  1. This "going home" only to find it is no longer home resonates with me so deeply. Sometimes it's difficult to see our own growth until we return to our roots. I really loved this post, and was completely inspired by your "The most challenging thing I had to learn? That being me is OK. Most of the time!" So true and wise! Thanks so much for sharing your journey! xoxox

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  2. Yes, there are some places you can't return to, because time changes things so quickly. I used to want to hang on to the past, and mourned all my loses. Now I realize that for every good thing that passes, a new one is just down the road, and the present moment is where all true enjoyment is to be found.

    Now who's talking like a cliche? ;-)

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  3. That is St. Cloud for me. My college years. Good times. But going back now just makes me feel.....old. Old and uncool.

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  4. You can never go home, but you can always remember where your heart is/was.

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  5. lovely post Claire x

    meant a lot to me at the moment.

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  6. Yeah, it is weird returning to places that you are done with, and you know that you won't have the same relationships with those places again.

    I'll always return to the town where I grew up, since my family and friends still live there, and I still like it, but it's not like the old days where I used to always always run into people I know everywhere, which makes me feel even more far removed from the place.

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  7. I know what you mean about revisiting a place that brings back bittersweet memories. Sometimes I think it is good to pick up and start over, creating new and wonderful memories.

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  8. ah i love this post, it reminds of my hometown where i grew. i loving going home to visit but i dont see myself moving back there for a long time!

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Thank you for your comment - I do read them all but it may take me a little while (a couple of days) to respond during busy times. I love reading what you have to say!

Have a wonderful day!

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