Last night I met up with a bunch of the Forres crew for "banter", and we went to one of our favourite pubs. The one we've all been frequenting for five, ten, or more years. And on Thursday and Friday I was through in Aberdeen, a place where I spent four years of my life. I had the best time, but it's always weird to be back in places that recall times past (to paraphrase Proust. Badly!).
Aberdeen was my home from the ages of 18 to 22, and it really was an experience. It taught me so much about who I was, and who I wanted to be. Some of that learning was really positive - great books were read, great debates were had, great songs were song, great friends were made, great challenges were overthrown... Some of that learning came the hard way - hurt, betrayal, unkindness, and through my own niavete, stupidity and youth. Very little of the important stuff I learnt had anything to do with either of my degree studies (Joint Honours English and Film Studies, if you're interested).
Because that's what you do at 18, isn't it? You start to get a handle on who you are as an adult (I'm still working on this ;)). My childhood was....interesting? Challenging? Troublesome? Random? Okayish? My teens were up and down, with me being far too much of a doormat for the early teens to survive well in the cutthroat world of teenage girldom...luckily, post 16 I got a clue and was much, much happier for it! And at uni this growth continued. Parts of the changes of uni life I aced. Cooking, nae bother. Laundry, no probs. Other stuff, I learned on a steeper curve...but I was blessed with some amazing friends, many of whom are still in my life (yes Amber, Morag, Shona, Caroline and Hannah. I'm talking about you!). The most challenging thing I had to learn?
That being me is OK. Most of the time!
I am such an overthinking cliche sometimes.
It was nice to go back to Aberdeen, but do you know what? I doubt I'll ever live there again. Did I have a good time? Yes. Is it over? Yes. Like that ex who you still care about and want to see from time to time, but you know the love just isn't there anymore... I am done there.
I wonder where I'll end up calling home?