For some reason that lyric's been stuck in my head for the past few days, and I don't really know why. But there it is, and there it will no doubt stay until it decides to shift. I've been thinking some big thoughts recently, there have been some stresses and sleepless nights, but I think I'm starting to get a handle on stuff. Thanks for all the comments and emails about my last post - the thought of taking a leap into the unknown both fills me with dread and excitement...we'll see, I guess.
I've been thinking a lot about wants and needs recently. When I was younger, and things were tougher, they were easier to identify, if not easier to acquire. And I've worked hard, and I've tried, and sometimes I have to pinch myself because so many great things and so many wonderful people and so many fab experiences have come my way. Life isn't perfect by any means (whose is?), but sometimes I wish I could go back to my twenty-year-old self and say "It's OK, sweetie. That wasn't your fault. And it's going to be OK." Or flip back to my sixteen year old self and say "Stop that. Really. It's all going to work out in the end." Or just go back to my poor little nine year old self and give her a big old hug. And a heap of love. Because heaven knows, that child needed it. Hindsight is a wonderful thing sometimes.
It's also wishful thinking though, let's face it. I can't go back, and without those experiences, those dark times, the bad days, who knows if I'd have the blessings I have today? The past forms you, to all intents and purposes, and the way you react to things decides what path you'll take. And I quite like the life I've built for myself. I like my little flat, and my friends, and my job, and the way I can use my talents and skills (silly and frivolous as they may be) to help people.
I like helping people.
So I've been thinking about what I want (or rather what I would like), and what I need. And it turns out my needs are few. Apart from the basic awesome human rights (food / water / clothing / shelter / freedom) , my other needs are fairly simple. I want to (need to...) be able to help people, and love people, and make people happy. And hopefully, with time, I'll be able to let them help me and love me and make me happy. I'm learning how to do this, slowly but surely. I'd say I'm at about one-and-a-half out of three right now. Not too bad, starting from zero.
Haha, blogging has to be the cheapest therapy available, no?
Hope you are all having a lovely weekend!