Sometimes

Sometimes, when I'm least suspecting it, I get a glimpse of who I want to be, where I want to be and what I want to do. For a second or a minute, sometimes even a few minutes, the obstacles around me...or the obstacles I put in front of me....just aren't there. And I'm brave and strong and not afraid anymore.

I love those glimpses.

Sometimes, when I'm least suspecting it, I get a glimpse of who I might be, where I might end up, and what might happen to me. For a second or a minute, sometimes for a whole sleepless night, I see nothing but hurt and pain and loneliness. And I cling with all my might to all the blessings and goodness I have and pray and hope and wish that this darkness is all in my head.

I hate those glimpses.

I want to build on the former and move on from the latter. It used to be that I rarely got the former, but in the last few years they have happened more and more, and the latter are fading out more. I feel like I'm ready for that. Who knew I'd grow up more in my twenties than my teens? Also, how angsty is this post - can you tell I've just watched a 'One Tree Hill' marathon?

Love,
Cxx
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6 comments:

  1. Nothing like a little television drama to make for some introspection.

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  2. We need 50 ccs of red wine, STAT!

    I think "One Tree Hill" is relatively safe. Being more of a Nordic soul, though, I've often made the mistake of turning to Bergman films when angsty...as if existential Swedes were the solution! Pah.
    -cK

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  3. Ummmmm... yes?
    ;-)
    Mlle W

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  4. It's rare that a TV show inspires this much introspection, I may have to check that out.

    I think it's beautiful you sense these things about yourself. Open yourself up to the process, the potential in yourself. Say, I'm ready to be the best version of myself.

    I can really relate to these moments of insight, whether they be positive or negative, they are powerful.

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  5. There exists such a rare wisdom in your words! I will often times find myself nodding silently in agreement or understanding. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who finds myself experiencing the most growing pains in my late twenties!

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  6. you have such heartfelt and honest posts claire. sometimes it is hard not to divide my world into the good story and the bad story. so much of my life is just middle of the road story. i am glad you are feeling that slide into the glimpses you love. physics says that the glimpses you conjure with conviction will be open to you with more ease than those that get less of your attention. close your eyes and set your sights on brave, strong and fearless.

    xoxoxox

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Thank you for your comment - I do read them all but it may take me a little while (a couple of days) to respond during busy times. I love reading what you have to say!

Have a wonderful day!

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