Oh man. I am running out of words to describe this phase I'm in. It's like a switch has been flipped somewhere, and I'm feeling stronger and happier and braver than I have in a long long time. It's like the things I've been wanting to move beyond and past and through are just crumbling into nothing. And I'm emerging, like a creature from a chrysalis.
There are still stresses and strains and worries. There are still regrets and misdeeds and nightmares...but my focus is not on them. I feel like I'm on the edge of something as yet intangible, a new and exciting phase. I feel like I'm up on a high board, about to dive in, and do you know what? I'm not scared. I'm excited.
(I've been off school with a cold and stomach bug these past two days, and even that hasn't dented this optimism and excitement. It has made me sleep an awful lot though!)
There are so many things I want to do. I want to sing, and learn more about singing. I want to write. I want to take photos. I want to spend time by the sea. I want to learn how to run (I bet you didn't see that one coming!). I want to travel. I want to visit new places. I want to smile and laugh and chat with my friends. I want to drink wine and eat fruit and bake cakes. I want people to think of me and smile. I want to stay up way too late and be silly. I want to be part of my friends' childrens' lives, a surrogate aunty to help and spoil them. I want to kiss boys, or even better, spend time with a boy I'd like to carry on kissing over and again. I want to watch films and read books. I want to learn more about politics and volunteer and give something back. I want to study - maybe photography, maybe cookery, maybe a whole different degree. I want to get rid of loads of my stuff - this nesting phase is drawing to a close. I want to fall in love and enjoy the fear and the mess and the wonder. I want to trust that I have the talent and skills and gusto to succeed. I want to take risks and heal and help and be unafraid. I want to build a home. I want to take chances and push myself.
Maybe I'll do some of these things. Maybe I'll do none of these things. Maybe I'll do all of these things. I don't know. But I'm loving how inspired I'm feeling right now.
See what headcolds do to my thinking?
Love,
Cxx
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21 comments:
You should do all of them. Right now.
That's so awesome. You need to try it all :) I bet people do think of you and smile.
What a headcold!
this is an INCREDIBLE post. i'm so happy for you.
i'm thinking much the same thing...you are so inspirational. :)
you don't have any idea where this change came from?
"I want people to think of me and smile"
done and done!
If it helps (don't really think I can, you already seem pretty happy), when I think of you I smile. Your happiness always comes out loud and clear from reading your blog.
Well, I'm in a pretty happy mood today so. Maybe there's something going around.
go for it :)
I've got a friend who started joggin again this year. She initially did a 5k, has just finished her second 10k, and is now working towards a half marathon. I think she uses this site to help encourage/plan her jogging: http://www.walkjogrun.net/
She used the training plan from here:
http://www.raceforlife.org/healthandtraining/training/
She filters her jogging posts (so as to not flood friends pages I think). If you have an LJ I can ask her to add you.
I love that feeling too. And if you accomplish just one, it did some good.
Wow, I wish my headcold would inspire me like that! You're like a flare of light and inspiration for us, thank you. I hope my enthusiasm comes back to me soon. For now I rest and recover but am smiling thinking of your being so happy and powerful.
I'm ghlad to hear you are at this point in your life. It is odd that at these times we can dewal with whatever life throws at us as we feel so joyful and optimistic. Long may it reign!
xx
just so you know .. whenever i think of you, i smile :)
and this post just beams energy and i have no doubt that you are going to do a whole lot of fabulousness ... smooches beauty,xo
I want that headcold!
I think it's awesome! And I do think of you and smile :)
maybe its the Nyquil, regardless this post gives me hope. I have been in a stupor, yet smiled reading every one of your "i Wants"
OK, I'm adding this to MY bucket list:
"Make sure I hear Claire sing."
I really want to hear you sing!! Maybe you can do it LIVE for us on the beach when you TRAVEL to Miami...and when you leave, we can think of you and smile. :)
Cool headcold thoughts! :) I love get inspired... Although colds usually inspire me to sleep loads.
I think of you and smile!
ooohh!! check out the "holly is stopping shopping" blog I linked to on my latest post - she has a cool list of 101 things to do in 1001 days - you should make one up!! I am working (very slowly!) on my own list!
Whenever I think of you I smile :o)
I love this blog of yours!
Thinking of all the potential and opportunity... makes me feel happy to. You can do it all!
i found myself lifting slightly up from my chair while reading this happy and delightful post dear claire!!
you are such a wonderful young person! i am so glad i found you!
XO
Sounds lovely....do everything!!!
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