Friday, July 15, 2011

Five Minute Friday: Loss

Once again, I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo for 'Five Minute Friday'.


One prompt, five minutes.

Today, the word is....loss.

GO.

Despite my sunny demeanour and my overwhelming urge to always always always look on the bright side, find the silver lining, embrace the positive outcome, count the blessings, see the glass half-full, I am all too aware that in this broken world, we all face loss of some kind.

And it hurts.

Lost loves, lost friends, lost opportunities, the finality of death, the ultimate loss.

So what have I lost?

I've lost a friend, a dear friend, taken away by demons that she and the rest of the world couldn't fix. I've lost other friends to time and gossip and distance, but she's the one that sticks in the mind, who's laugh I'll never hear again, whose number I can never call.

I've lost (or rather, never known) a swathe of family. Instead of embracing me, they rejected me, when I was too young to talk or speak or be for myself. I love the family I do have with all my heart, but sometimes the disconnect jars, and all I can do is mourn what might have been. For who I might have been. I'm the black sheep and I'm cool with that for the most part, but sometimes it feels like a loss.

I often feel like I lost (a decent wodge of) my childhood too. When I talk to friends about being 6 or 7 or 8 or 9, they are full of memories, shows they watched, friends they played with. Me, I just have a massive blank space. I know *why* my mind has done this, but sometimes when I see pictures of myself at that age I just want to cry for what I never got to have. What I will never have. That little, fragile, messy girl. My heart aches for her. I know it gets better, but I know she'll never escape her past either. I want to give her a cuddle and let her know that it's okay to be angry, it's okay to be sad, and that she'll get through this and have a happier time in her teens, her twenties, and beyond.

I think that these losses make us stronger, these losses make us who we are, but I think to mourn them is human nature. We should never be ashamed of grieving for the things, the people, and the chances we have lost, but we must be wary of letting these losses define us.

STOP.

Wow. That got deep.

I promise to post about cheese or shoes or silliness soon....

I'm very much aware that I'm an exceptionally lucky and blessed young woman, but sometimes I think it's good to reflect on the sadder, darker things.

To end on a happier note, Tim Minchin opportunity:




post signature

1 comment:

  1. Sad and beautiful words. Praying for you and your losses.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for your comment - I do read them all but it may take me a little while (a couple of days) to respond during busy times. I love reading what you have to say!

Have a wonderful day!

Hi, I'm Claire...

Hi, I'm Claire...

About Me

I believe in 80s pop, 90s teen movies, and proper thank you notes. I just like smiling...smiling's my favourite.

I write here about London, food, books & travel, and a lot more besides. I'm never happier than when having adventures, cooking for friends, or lost in a good book.

If you'd like to work together, or if you'd just like to say hello, my email is: countrymouseclaire@gmail.com

Please note that on occasion affiliate links may be used in this blog. All items received for review or paid posts will always be disclosed.

Newsletter

powered by TinyLetter

Bloglovin

Follow

Hibs

HIBS100 Index of Home and Interior Blogs
HIBS100

Popular Posts

Search This Blog

Blog Archives

Grab My Button

CM Claire
<div class="grab-button" margin: 0 auto;"><a href="http://www.countrymouseclaire.com/" rel="nofollow"><img src="http://i909.photobucket.com/albums/ac293/munchkin_land_designs/BlogDesigns/CountryMouseClaire/CountryMouseClaireNewButton1.png" alt="CM Claire"></div>

Zomato

View my food journey on Zomato!

stumbleupon

Total Pageviews

 
Designed by Munchkin Land Designs • Copyright 2015 • All Rights Reserved