Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Flaws

I wrote the below quite late at night, after a good long Claire think.

After reading it back, I wasn't sure whether to go ahead and publish, or instead to delete it, to squirrel it away. I've decided to publish, because this blog, this little record, is about my life, my whole life. And just as I share about my joys, what I'm happy with, what I'm trying to achieve, I think it's important to be real too. Sometimes.

First things first - I'm good. Things are good.

But all this free time over summer gives me time to think. To ponder.

And lately I've been thinking about my flaws.

The things that bug me about me.

The things I'm trying to change. Or, in some cases, accept.

1. I'm impatient. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to burst, like I just can't wait for the next adventure, the next event, the thing just around the corner.

2. I feel like I'm never going to be good enough. Like I'll never be worthy or something.

3. I don't sing enough. I feel like I'm hiding. I feel more like me when I sing....but I'm not singing enough. I need to fix this.

4. I eat way too much. Not as much as I used to, but still too much. And it's making me get gradually fatter and fatter. I feel like I'm trapped a little. I hope I make it out. I'm trying.*

5. I start things and don't finish them. Not all the time, and it's getting better, but I need to continue to work on the follow through.

As it were.

Ew.

6. I'm terrified of people leaving me. I think sometimes that's why I keep some people at a distance.

If they're not close....it won't hurt so much when they leave.

7. I swear too much. I never swear in front of kids or elders or whatnot, but all too often among my peers an f-bomb or seven escapes. I'm still trying to figure out what I make of that.

8. I'm great at beating myself up.

9. I'm secretive.

10. I want to be more. I'm not sure that's necessarily a flaw, but feel I needed to add it.


post signature


* post on this soon!

4 comments:

  1. Its always great to want to grow and know more about who we are, by acknowledging your "flaws" you can choose to do something about them. I love balance... what would you say are your "best bits"
    the stuff you love about you?

    ReplyDelete
  2. OH, my friend. Sing. Sing, sing, sing. Singing is good for what ails you. Singing frees up the soul and makes you love yourself. SING! My life's motto is this:
    Life is good, sing it loud!

    Did I ever tell you that?

    Anyway, I love this honest post. I think that next you should write a list of what you are good at, great at, and what you love about yourself. Bet you anything it will be at least twice as long.

    Love to you, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "6. I'm terrified of people leaving me. I think sometimes that's why I keep some people at a distance.

    If they're not close....it won't hurt so much when they leave."

    I can relate to this. I'm adopted, and deep down I think the rejection I felt from my birth mother giving me away influences my relationships. I tend to get more attached to online people than I should and then feel so hurt when they drift away. So now I avoid it a bit.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Carol, thanks for your kind comment. I love the idea of balance - I will definitely think on that :)

    Relyn, thank you - I *love* your life motto! I will definitely put a 'what I like about me' post on the to do list!

    LL Cool Joe, thanks for your sweet comment and your honesty. We're all special, fragile things, aren't we?

    Cxx

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for your comment - I do read them all but it may take me a little while (a couple of days) to respond during busy times. I love reading what you have to say!

Have a wonderful day!

Hi, I'm Claire...

Hi, I'm Claire...

About Me

I believe in 80s pop, 90s teen movies, and proper thank you notes. I just like smiling...smiling's my favourite.

I write here about London, food, books & travel, and a lot more besides. I'm never happier than when having adventures, cooking for friends, or lost in a good book.

If you'd like to work together, or if you'd just like to say hello, my email is: countrymouseclaire@gmail.com

Please note that on occasion affiliate links may be used in this blog. All items received for review or paid posts will always be disclosed.

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