Five Minute Friday: Fight

Five Minute Friday
Of all the blog link ups I have taken part in, I think Five Minute Friday has to be one of my favourites.  The rawness of words on the page, just letting the piece go where it wants to, is exciting and thrilling and comforting, all at once.  So I'm thrilled to join in again for 2014.  A big year.

Today's word is fight.

GO.

I've never been good at confrontation.  Everything in my nature wants people to be happy, for life to be calm, for the road to be smooth and easy for all.  I'm great at swallowing things down, coping, taking things on board and worrying, quietly, rather than getting angry or standing up for myself.  Even though I like to think I've moved beyond my days as a teenage doormat, there are still occasions where the old habits flare up, where I find myself backing down, shutting up, withdrawing instead of pushing foward, taking a stand, believing in my point. And when this happens I get so angry and disappointed and worn down, and retreat to my books and my words and eating.  The little girl inside me knows it's better to shut up and allow others to have their way.  She'll just have another slice of cake.

It's occurring to me, however, in an oh-so-unexpected mid-thirties revelation, that that little girl is wrong.  By not standing my ground, by not believing that my points deserve to be heard, I do myself and the people aound me a disservice.  With the people I love who understand me I'm getting better and better at communicating, at confronting, at vocalising, but there are still many people I can't find that groove with. And this year, I really want to.

Because that unwillingness to fight is a big part of my comfort eating.  It's a lot easier to eat and hide than to stick up for yourself, and I've been taking the easier path fo decades now.  Loved one upsets you?  Eat a mound of chocolate.  Feeling abandoned and scared?  Biscuits.  Argument with a friend? Crisps.  Colleague undermines you?  Pizza.  Typing it out it sounds so frail and juvenile, but it's been my reality - the truth is for far too long, I've been swallowing down my feelings.  Literally & figuratively.

So now the fight is a new one.  The fight to be healthy, outside and in.  To choose what's best for me and my health, even if sometimes I have to move out of my comfort zone and give someone what for.  I need to relearn the habits of my adult life; I have a fight on my hands.

STOP. 
SHARE:
Next PostNewer Post Previous PostOlder Post Home

8 comments:

  1. I shy from confrontation, too, and prefer peace. I pray we both learn to speak for truth and love, and to let our silence rest in Christ. Blessings on your 2014 endeavors!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Tresta - much appreciated!

      Delete
  2. Hey!I I kept trying to post comments earlier, and it wouldn't let me.

    You are, at my calculation, not yet in your mid-30s! Early 30s, yes?? :)

    Good, brave blog. Conflict is hard, but necessary sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm definitely mid-thirties....33 and counting seems like the time ;) Sorry to hear about the comments, hope all is okay now :)

      Delete
  3. Love this Claire. I am the same about conflict but slowly getting better--it is definitely a tough journey though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's always something to learn, isn't there? My best for your journey.

      Delete
  4. 33 is NOT mid-thirties my friend. THEM'S FIGHTING WORDS!!! (Bahaha.) You, and I (for the next 40-odd days) are in our late-early thirties.... 34 is the year of being in your EARLY-MID THIRTIES.

    Anyway, now that's been cleared up...

    Junk food is my drug of choice as well. I've done a good job kicking it in 2013. I went through some real emotional stress without turning to the white stuff (sugar, salt, fat) so I'm proud of that. It's just so hard. I often wish I was addicted to heroin, because I feel that's tougher to get. (Although, maybe not with a mayor like ours, bada-boom.)

    I know you'll do well in this fight! You can do it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bwahaha! You make me giggle, sweetie. Here's to shaking off our medicating with food propensities...

      Delete

Thank you for your comment - I do read them all but it may take me a little while (a couple of days) to respond during busy times. I love reading what you have to say!

Have a wonderful day!

BLOGGER TEMPLATES BY pipdig