Well, actually, it’s a singalong Sunday today. I had every good intention of writing this last night, but after an afternoon of writing targets (“Jess must try not to write backwards”, “Esme must learn to take more care with her work, and spend less time worrying about the work of others”, “Ariadne must try not to eat the crayons”… you get the picture?), it was about all I could do to chuck a pizza in the oven, pour a glass of red and splodge in front of some bad TV. Man, I miss having proper Saturday nights!
Approaching is the week of doom, but on Friday half-term starts. For two weeks! Yay! I have lunches and sleepovers and shopping and driving lessons and board games with the family and the evil driving test take two! It is going to be quite the fortnight J!
Bottle Up and Explode! – Elliott Smith
Haha, psychic media player. I love Smith’s songs, and the album this is taken from (XO) just never gets old for me.
Anyway, I think something’s up…I’m feeling a little low this week. I think it’s OK, but all the signifiers are there – the compulsion to snack as if it’s going out of fashion, finding it harder and harder to get up in the mornings….ah but hang on, isn’t that just a mini hibernation?
Ex-Factor – Lauryn Hill
Damn, I miss Lauryn, “Rapper slash actress, more powerful than two Cleopatras”. And it seems like every time I read about her something else dodgy is going on. I really hope she gets well and gets another album together, because the girl can sang.
And you all know how much I love to sing, right? Any place, any time. In class, doing chores, walking to school, cooking, in the store, even when I’m asleep sometimes! Power ballads, folk, jazz, standards, pop, worship, hymns, classical, choral, showtunes, theme songs, nursery rhymes. I genuinely love it, and it can always raise my mood…I love ‘learning’ new songs, listening to them, getting the lyrics straight, figuring out how to reach the notes, where to breathe. It’s the most fun, ever.
Hello Conscience – The Zutons.
Scouse power pop. Yes!
I’ve been thinking about conscience and guilt and worry a lot this past week (report writing will do that to you…). For the longest time I’ve been at the ready to reprimand myself for the smallest thing, and it’s only been these past few years that I’ve really learnt how to accept that I’m allowed to make mistakes, that I’m allowed to foul up.
How To Be Dead – Snow Patrol.
A track with glockenspeil on the intro…always appreciated.
And I still find it hard to acknowledge the good alongside the bad, but I’m getting there with baby steps. It’s really quite odd after spending hours, days, months, years picking at yourself and beating yourself up to actually look at the good also. And I’m pretty crafty also. Many of the people I work with and hang out with the most would describe me as ‘bubbly, open, and confident’. And they’d be right. I am. It’s just that underneath I am positively bursting with self-loathing at times….but a little less each few months or so.
Complainte de la Butte – Rufus Wainwright.
Fun fact! I wrote my dissertation as an undergrad on Moulin Rouge, the OST from which this is taken.
I’m glad I like myself a little more now. Don’t get me wrong, I know I am far from perfect…but who isn’t? And slowly but surely I am learning to appreciate the quirky, odd, honest uniqueness I can bring to things…most of the time.
Buddy Kissed Me – from Side Show.
Have you heard / seen this show? It is amazing, a really dark musical, with lots of actual twists and turns, and some amazing songs. If you like musicals, I recommend!
Pray – Take That.
I don’t own much cheesey pop, but I do love Take That’s Greatest Hits. I never really liked them as a teen (I was more into indie music and *small voice* Hanson – yes, feel free to laugh!), but they were such a part of my growing up. I saw them in concert earlier this year and they were awesome.
Where was I? The music has taken over…yes! Ah, uniqueness. Well, one of the conclusions I have come to in the last 25 years of living is that we are all unique, all amazing, all capable of something amazing. It might be writing a great novel. It might be finding a cure for a disease. It might be raising a family of children who know how wonderful they are and how beautiful the world is. It might be always remembering peoples birthdays. It might be listening and guiding others through tough times…we don’t get to decide, but I am sure we all have a great purpose waiting for us.
Jane – Barenaked Ladies.
And that’s the kicker when it comes to purpose – we don’t get to choose. I often wish I could…in fact, if I did, I wouldn’t be blogging right now, because I’d be looking after a brood of kids! But that’s not how it works…for me, Someone else is in control. I think it’s God…for you it might be J****h, Allah (his name be praised), the universe or the amazing smurf. It’s a choice we all have to make.
Awesome God – Michael W. Smith.
Ah-ha! Someone is listening!
But for me, I believe that Someone is in control of my life and what happens to me. I’m a fairly liberal Christian on many issues, having been brought up by fairly hippy non-practicing parents, but on some things I am completely by the book. For me, God is absolutely and totally in control of my life….but this is not a passive thing. It doesn’t mean I get to sit on my butt eating bon-bons and waiting for a prince to rock up. Alas, no. Rather, I am compelled to do all I can to be the best I can be, to love everyone I meet (ah, yes, forgiveness in action, that’s a whole other post just waiting to be written!), take things to him in prayer and always remember how lucky I am.
Half Light – Athlete.
Another up note to end on. I seem to have a knack.
And I am lucky. I am only too aware of how lucky I am. Materially I am infinitely blessed – I have a beautiful little flat, a cute yellow moped, toys and food and clothes aplenty. When I was younger I dreamed of the day when I’d have a closet stuffed with clothes and drawers full of undies, toiletries, makeup and spangles – and I have that now.
As for the more important things, I am so very, very blessed. I have friends who think of me, who remember my birthday, who write and call and email and text and make time for dinner no matter how busy they are. I have a family I adore. I have dozens of children who think I’m amazing. My glass is more than half-full, and I think I need to always remember that.
So that was the singalong – random as always, don’t you think?
I trust you are all well, thanks as always for the comments etc. – you guys rock.
Have a great week,
PS Bee, I will try and write a ‘love letter’ to myself soon, OK?