Perhaps this blog entry should have a subtitle.
I’ll go with ‘layers’.
I’ve felt like crap all week, like something’s been bothering me and I don’t know what. I’ve been weepy, agitated, down on myself, headachey, tired, blue, feeling sick, under the weather. But yesterday my mood started to lift somewhat, and I had a good lusty sing yesterday (and today, woo!), which always lifts the cobwebs.
And now I sit here, feeling rejuvenated, ready to write a proper entry. Yes! I’m feeling more like me than I have in a while, but I’ve been facing down a few demons in the past couple of weeks, so forgive me the conspicuous absence. I had to get out of my own head, sort some stuff out, then get back in my head and get back onto stuff….
Mmmm, tangent tastic this evening.
I just found an old mix CD someone made for me a couple of years back, and it’s put me in such a decent mood – singing (and drumming) along to ‘Laid’ by James and singing and pouting along with ‘They Don’t Know’ is a surefire mood lifter around here!
1. I Do, I Do, I Do – ABBA
Oh man, what a great cheesey moment to begin with…this song is just awesomely connected with ‘Muriel’s Wedding’ in my mind. I kind of empathise with Muriel (Mariel!) Heslop – not so much now, but definitely when I was younger I felt very disconnected to the normality of life.
Now I still feel a little disconnected, but I know it’s OK. The places I’ve been, experiences I’ve had, choices I’ve made, the places I’ve been…I was never going to end up Mrs Normal of Normaltown, 2 kids, 2 cars, 1 holiday to Majorca a year. Sometimes I feel bereft, never having the chance of taking the normal route, but at most times I feel fairly lucky and privileged to be able to walk this lesser trod road.
2. Forrest Gump – Suite – Alan Silvestri
From a song in a film to part of the score of another film. I love the music of ‘Forrest Gump’, and the score is just beautiful (but then, I am a sucker for both strings and piano, so they more or less had me at hello). I actually like ‘Forrest Gump’ – a fact some of my fellow film students could not fathom when we were undergrads. But I do – it’s sweet and clever and it sweeps you up. It has a kickass OST (as I mentioned), great performances, and it never ever fails to make me cry (and y’all know how I enjoy a good cry!). With the birds and the tears and the “He’s so smart, Jenny.” Egads, I’m welling up just describing it.
This weekend has been cathartic and hectic, a break and a change, which I both wanted and needed. Sometimes I get so swept up in the mania of the termtime I lose myself a little – I push myself too hard and forget that I have wants and needs and desires and hopes and dreams and fears which need my attention. It’s always good to gain some me time!
3. Trading Air – Athlete.
I really don’t have much of an opinion on Athlete. I don’t dislike them, by any stretch, they’re just a bit there and wallpapery. Not really something to get particularly worked up about, in my opinion.
Yesterday evening I did something I haven’t done in a long, long while.
No, not that! Minds out of the gutter, please!
No, I wrote a song. Nothing much, just a few lines and a melody, and not a groundbreaking one at that, but I wrote a song! Perhaps I should explain why this causes such delight…
4. She Wants To Move – N*E*R*D*
My treatise on Pharrell will have to wait, as I’m mid story.
…I used to write songs a lot when I was younger. My lyrics were always vastly better than my tunes, but I could churn out songs like a pro. Then at about twenty, just when life sort of slid from a little grey to deep, dark, fetid black, I stopped. I couldn’t write songs anymore. It’s like that part of me just shut down. I could still break out the poems, but the songs? Were no more.
Then yesterday, I was just running a bath, thinking some thoughts, all that jazz, and a melody pops in my head, then some words, and in five minutes I have a two verse, two chorus, bridge and finale song. It’s nice to have the skill back, I must admit, even if my first effort was a little cheesy!
5. So Long, Frank Lloyd Wright – Simon and Garfunkel.
Mmmm, harmonies. I’m going to go watch NMTB now, but shall return to the singalong after the fun and games…
6. Pray – Take That
And I’m back! To cheese, cheese, cheese. Never Mind The Buzzcocks was hilarious, and Amy Winehouse is certainly fond of a drink or nine (awesome voice though – talent, tragedy and excess all seem to walk hand in hand, ce n’est pas?).
So, onywyes (to use the Doric vernacular), I wrote a song, and I got to thinking (always a dangerous pastime, but I do so love to live on the edge). I’m going to try and write enough songs to pick the best to make an album, rope in anyone who can sing / play / engineer for brain-picking, and try and get it recorded. Sure, it’ll just be for me and my mates, but it would still be pretty cool. So far I’ve got one lyric and melody, a lyric, a title and a dream….I’ll keep you all posted :-).[I’d like to get it done by my thirtieth…this gives me four years and three weeks…]
7. Supermassive Black Hole – Muse
Full body T for tune. I just love this song, and it never fails to make me want to boogy. It also has the filthiest bass line I have heard in a good long time, and that is always a good thing. A little filthy bass line goes a long way in my world.
So, the country life continues apace. And tomorrow it’s 5 weeks till Christmas! I have written 20 of my international cards so far and am trying frantically to work out what gifts I have and haven’t got, which ones need mailing when, what I’m doing for my Christmas drinks (theme? Snacks? Soundtrack?)…it’s the most wonderful time of the year…
8. Get This Party Started – Pink
The new M&S advert has Shirley Bassey performing this. It is utterly bizarre, and kind of awesome.
Over the next week I’ll also be getting the names of my two secret sisters – I do one through the OTZ, and this year I’m doing one through FCN also. I love secret sistering, it’s lovely to plan such a nice surprise for someone. My regular gifts are coming along well also, but there seem to be so many of them to sort out! I guess I shouldn’t complain, I only have to worry about my friends and family – it must be even harder work if you’re in a couple!
9. Dirrty Girl (Mashup) – Jet and Christina Aguilera
Man, the player is breaking out the tunes now. If only I wasn’t in my PJs at 10.20 on a Monday, in a bijou annex flat in the middle of nowhere. I wanna go dancing! [/toddler tantrum].
And now, it’s bedtime…or rather, faff about for ten minutes, shove hair into some weird coily thing, cleanse-tone-moiturise (oh, hang on, I don’t need to, I did it after my shower. High five to self!), brush teeth, fold out bed, read chapter of book for tomorrow’s book/women’s group and then sleeeeeeeeeeeep.
10. Disenchanted Lullaby – Foo Fighters.
A lullaby! How apt! Goodnight all!
Have a great week,