Sometimes, just sometimes, I worry there is something wrong with me. Nothing too sinister, just a small inkling, a pervading mood, a strange anomaly of factors. Hee, “anomaly”. Guess who’s been watching a lot of House recently?
Anyway. I’m 26 now, and sometimes I just worry that I’m, well, not a proper grown up. Loads of my friends are settling down, buying flats, having kids and getting engaged…whereas I’m still kind of a nomad, buying lattes, having far too good of a time and getting as many CDs as my pittance can afford.
Is this normal? I’m not sure.
But then, I think it’s one of those mind tricks you play on yourself. You know, like when you’re down in the dumps about being single, so your brain gets into the (ever so slightly pathetic, it must be said) everyone-is-loved-up-and-I-am-all-alllllooooooone frame of mind. You don’t stop and think of all the friends, acquaintances and colleagues you have in the same place as you…your focus is off.
I think the main reason my mind is on the whole being a fake grown up thing is probably being home….I adore my parents, but when they hint at houses and babies, I have to do a fair bit of counting to ten… I just want to say “I don’t know what it is I want…yet. Give me a few years, please?” And I know they are proud of me, and they just want the best for me, but sometimes I worry I’m sort of letting them down. Am I odd?
The thing is, I’m not ready to be a proper grown up just yet. I’m quite happy with work, I have a kickass bunch of friends, and I’m probably one of the happiest people I know. I kind of float around in a little Claire bubble of fun and music, and generally have a ball. And really, I think that’s OK.
In a few years I’d love to be a proper grown up. And I think I’ll get there….eventually. But why buy a house when I don’t know where I want to settle down yet? Why worry about weddings when I don’t even have a boyfriend? Why fret about kids when they are nowhere near the table, let alone on the actual table, just yet?
Roll on the future, but let’s not forget today!
To conclude, I’m odd. But I’m starting to think that’s OK.
PS Good Lord, I’m emo this evening 😉