It has been a very teenage Saurday here. Usually it’s work and errands and rush rush rush…. But today I awoke when I felt like it (at a little after nine, as it was), spent the morning in bed watching T4, reading the NME and drinking coffee; did a few bits and bobs and had a mammoth driving lesson in the afternoon; and now it’s nearly ten p.m. and I’m writing this in someone elses house as their (adorable) baby slumbers upstairs. I feel seventeen again!
Let’s singalong, shall we?
1. Fly Me Away – Goldfrapp.
This was one of those albums I bought because I liked one track (the ubiquitous ‘Oh La La’) and the rest sort of grew on me. I’m not a mad Goldfrapp fan (would that be a Goldfrappucino, mayhap?), but I respect them. I respect their marketing people even more – their songs are everywhere. Their people (and KT Tunstall’s people too, while we’re on it) deserve a major bonus for such sterling work.
So the blip of earlier this week is passing – it was just a little raincloud, after all. It was the usual combo – good holiday, check. Termtime just kicking into high gear – check. Attempting to make some lifestyle changes – check.
And thunk. I was down.
2. Feelgood Inc – Gorillaz.
Does the backing track on this sing “Shut, shut the, shut the f*** up”? That’s what I always hear.
Anyhoo, the raincloud has passed, and all is sunny once again in my little world. I am tired almost all the time, but hey, I’m a teacher! It’s to be expected. I think at the start of the week I was just feeling the pinch a little. You know that phrase “All work and no play…”? Well, that was the problem. This lifestyle is very all-or-nothing – either I am busting my hump or I have acres of free time. It takes some getting used to!
3. The Best Is Yet To Come – Frank Sinatra.
Wow, the singalong so far is delightfully upbeat! I love Frank, but this does make me crave the props of a fabulous cocktail dress and a glass of good Scotch. Never good when you’re working in child care though, so I’ll stick with my cup of coffee!
My existence here really is fairly odd. In fact, I spent a good portion of the last few months wondering how, exactly, I wound up here. I like middle England just fine, and I’ve carved out quite a lovely wee niche for myself, but there’s still little sense to the whole…being here thing. But lately I’ve been concentrating less on how I got here…and turning more to why I might be here.
4. A View To A Kill – Duran Duran.
Woah, mood change. I love Bond songs – they are always so big and unashamed and bombastic….
So yes, the whys and wherefores. Of my being here in middle England, as opposed to here on the planet – never fear, this post isn’t going to get too deep! I mean, the main why is fairly easy – I wanted to work at a good school, and ideally I wanted a job in place before my final placement started. Tada, my school advertised, I interviewed, job was a good ‘un. However….
5. Come Look At The Freaks – from Side Show.
The soundtrack to this show is immense. If it ever comes to the West End (unikely as the show is daaaaaark) I am so there, opening week.
However, I think subconsciously I chose to abandon myself in the middle of nowhere. Why else would I chose somewhere I had no ties to whatsoever? Sure, I knew I couldn’t go straight back to Forres, but why here? I think the one thing this place has given me is the opportunity to change and grow. Had I stayed in my comfort zone, would I be the person I am? I don’t know. But I do think that being alone (a lot last year, a more normal level this year!) has really helped me let go of some things and change my view on others.
6. One – Aimee Mann.
Haha, “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do”. Apart from two in the wrong combo, right?
You know those signs that say “We are changing the way we do business”? Well that’s been happening a lot here over the last eighteen months. I’m two dress sizes smaller, I’m more confident, I’m healthier, I have a lot less sorrow about the past, I’m less afraid of who I am, I give far less of a flying fart what people think of me. I’ve rediscovered my passions. I’ve discovered who it is that I am, and I’m starting to get a handle on what it is that I want. That’s the good side.
7. Valentine – Martina McBride.
This song is syrupy sweet, but lovely with it. If and when I fall in love, I will probably sing it at whoever he may be. Because I’m a total cheeseball.
The bad side? Being here on my own has made me even more independent. I like the fact that I can cope on my own, but a lot of the stuff I’ve been dealing with, it might have been nice to share. I’ve done OK, I think, but doing it without support was perhaps not the safest, wisest route. Nevermind, I will call on my friends next time I have a crisis, I promise. I’m very good at being reliable, at being needed…less so at depending on others. Bad Claire!
8. [Silence] – The Dixie Chicks.
This chord is four seconds long.
9. In Bloom – Kurt Cobain.
I love the bassline on this track. Gu-dun-gu-dun-dun…
I was going to write that being dateless was a negative of my time here, but on reflection, I think that being on my own in that way for a while has been a good thing (note the absence of rollwalling here, Nai!). Sure, there have been negatives to it (that is a whole other post, right there ;-)), but when I arrived here I had some fairly screwed up ideas, a healthy whack of baggage and was amazingly down on myself, still reeling from a few emotional bouts. Now I’ve had plenty of time to get myself straightened out, and I think when I launch myself back onto the dating scene, or should I say when I’m next in a position to date (whenever that may be), I think it will all be much more fulfilling.
Well, I hope so.
10. Recycled Air – The Postal Service.
I think I may actually prefer TPS to Death Cab. Is that allowed?
Man, I’m wiped. What is it about babysitting and knowing you have to stay up till well after midnight that makes you really tired at a little after ten? Thanks for reading the ramble….as always I had no idea where this post might take us.
Wishing you all blessings and fun,
PS And now it’s Sunday lunchtime (and I’m craving broccoli, somewhat bizarrely!). Last nights babysitting went well, and will fund a trip to the movies, some gig tix (if there are any left for next Sat), a bottle of good red and the new Bright Eyes CD. Hurrah! I also caught a really good little movie last night called ‘Mad Hot Ballroom’. If you haven’t seen it, I’d recommend, it’s a really entertaining and sweet documentary. Catch it if you can!
And now, to finish up some work and head off for fun. And potentially, BROCOLLI!