My little world.

Is great, most of the time. I’m so lucky and so blessed in so many ways, and I’d run out of space here if I tried to list all the wonderful people, wonderful things, and wonderful times I have in my life. I’ve also been through some dark and nasty places (including Aberdeen, bdmm kssh!), so I know how doubly blessed I am.

I’ve got friends who just make my heart sing, and people who make me giggle, and people who make me want to be a better person. I’ve got a safe warm home, and more things than I ever dreamed of when I was sharing a room with the sibs, wearing thrift shop clothes and never getting new things or nice things. I’ve had so many chances and opportunities, and I’ve been surprised time and again by the sheer niceness, beauty and awesomeness of this thing called life!

But.

Something’s up. Something’s….missing? It’s like I’m here and my life is grand, and I think I’m doing OK. But I’m not where I want to be. And I’m not sure how I get there. I feel a bit like a supporting actress rather than a main player, somehow. Is that mental?

I guess I’m getting to the point in my life where I’d like to feel I’m part of a home and a family of my own, if that makes any kind of sense? But I’m greedy, of course, I’d still want to have adventures and fun and friends who crack my stuff up. I have friends that have this in their lives, and on days like today I just want to sit down with them and ask them how they did it! It’s just a blue day I’m sure, brought on from too much work and a lot of pressure, but this theme is coming up every so often now….so I thought I‘d think aloud and see if I could make some more sense of it.

Maybe I’m missing a gene or something. I’m just feeling a bit lacking today. I want someone to come give me a hug and explain how to fix this…

I’m good, I’m OK, I’m tired. I love you all bundles and hope you are having a super day!

Cxx

4 Comments

  1. Pink
    6th February 2008 / 6:14 pm

    Me too 🙁

  2. Mattbear
    8th February 2008 / 9:06 pm

    >”I guess I’m getting to the point in my life where I’d like to feel I’m part of a home and a family of my own, if that makes any kind of sense? But I’m greedy, of course, I’d still want to have adventures and fun and friends who crack my stuff up.”That’s just part of growing up and maturing. And the grass is always greener on the other side. When I had a kid and had to give up a lot of my freedom and wild days, I was not ready and was very sad. I struggled with it for a long time.I still get to have fun, I still have some wild days now and again. But mostly it’s boring routine, and anything fun has to be planned and co-ordinated within an inch of its life.Have patience. The time will come. Until then, enjoy your freedom.

  3. Christielli
    9th February 2008 / 5:45 am

    I can totally empathize with you. I have a pretty awesome life, but sometimes I wonder if I’m a screw-up because I haven’t “settled” down yet.Hope blogging out your feelings helped. 🙂

  4. Cheryl
    9th February 2008 / 9:56 pm

    I think we’ve all been there. Hang in there.

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