If I were to sit on my hands, I’d be rendered unable to talk at all, or so the family legend goes. I gesture when I talk, drawing pictures in the air, waving my hands, pointing and finger waggling and emphasising. I’m a fidgeter too – I frequently fiddle with a bracelet or a paperclip or a pen while I speak or teach or talk, nervous energy channelled out. I think the reason I enjoy blogging so much is because of the comforting clickety clack of the keys as I work things out.
Tonight, people, I feel like a ball of ideas, of frustrations, of desires, of wants, of needs. I am working as hard as I can in my job – till seven tonight, for example – but trying to do so many other things as well. I want to be busy, I want to be fulfilled. I want to give the awesome people in my life the love and kindness and time they deserve. I have so many things to do – books to read, cakes to bake, letters to write, calls to make, scrapbooks to sort, cupboards to clear out, forms to complete, laundry to sort, songs to sing…
Which is why I took a couple of minutes earlier tonight to just sit on my hands, and stop. Just for five minutes. I have to remind myself to do this. My life tends to be very on, very rushing, very go-go-go, and it’s tempting to go with the momentum and ride it out. But I can and do stop. Because I have to. Because I need to. I am blessed with lots of energy and joy and liveliness, but I know only too well how run-down and lonely the life of constant motion can leave you. So I choose to pause and breathe and rest from time to time. I choose to look after myself.
And then I’m off again, once again that wild little curly haired girl with all that excess energy, the one whose mum enrolled her in every class going to keep her brain occupied and to tire her out.
I hope I never lose this.
I love that every day I do something, make something, write something, learn something, sing something. A new dance move becomes part of the poetry of my limbs….a new refrain is what I sing in the shower….a new fact begs to be sent to friends on email….a new photo reminds me just how beautiful life is.
I love that today I chose to remember this.