Lately my brain is whirring and whirling, with seemingly millions of things to deal with and mull over and work on. For the most part this is a good thing, but sometimes (like on a Sunday night when you are full of miss and you know the next few weeks are going to be tough and your tummy is aching again and you’ve got back-to-school-it-is) it’s a little overwhelming.
I’ll get there.
There’s a line in my favourite Barenaked Ladies song (“What A Good Boy”: Clicky) that keeps going around and around my head. It was almost the title to this post. “Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same.” I guess it sums up a lot of my anxieties and worries at the current time. There’s so much in my life that I love and cherish….but there’s so much I need to / want to / have to change. And I’m scared, I guess. What if I mess up? What if I’m not good enough? What if I can’t change? These are the dark thoughts that keep me awake at night sometimes. It’s never simple, right? What a perfect catch-22.
I’ll be fine, but I feel a little like I’m living in a snowglobe that’s just been shaken vigorously. I am so very lucky and blessed – I guess I’m scared to leap for fear of messing things up. But I have to jump. It’s time. Does that make any kind of sense?