When I was younger, I had lots of ambitions, lots of wants, lots of wishes, lots of goals. These were big, huge, epoch defining, CAPSLOCK type ambitions, the kind that change the world, change lives, challenge the order of things. Some I think were born out of a desire to do good….some as an aspiration….some as an escape….and some of them just came out of nowhere.
I was the crown princess of dreaming big…
I wanted to earn a PhD. I wanted to travel. I wanted to live abroad. I wanted to get married. I wanted a huge, gorgeous house. I wanted to write a great book. I wanted to sing professionally. I wanted a big family. I wanted to work for the UN. I wanted to learn how to survive on four- or five-hours sleep a night. I wanted to win an Oscar. I wanted to…. Oh man, how I wanted to do so many things…
I’m still ambitious (a little hellion like me was never going to grow up to be completely mellow!), but pragmatism and an appreciation of how lucky I am in the little life I have have tempered the ambition somewhat. I want to sing often and well…and if I can ever have someone pay me to do so, that’s all the better. I want to enjoy what I do, and am fortunate enough to have a job where I can find so many moments of joy (yes, even with the late finishes and piles o’stress and paperwork, I do love what I do). I want to be a good friend, one who listens and nurtures and cares. I want to help and love my family as much as I can. I want to build a home and a life full of beauty and kindness and loveliness…my own kind of home too (haha, for that read “cosy”, “homey”, or just plain “messy”!). As I’ve said before, I want to be a positive in the lives of those around me.
Things I desire now are less concrete, less tangible. My hopes now are simultaeneously easier and harder to achieve. But they sure are fun to think about from time to time….
What are your ambitions, friends?