Many thanks for the two spurious and spamalicious emails you have sent me in the last 24 hours. Alas, there are several epic fails you have committed in the course of your correspondence, so I’m afraid I will not enter into a discussion with you. However, as I’m a teacher, please allow me to point out where you have gone wrong. Email writing and ‘netiquette’ are two of the areas I often focus on in my classes on net usage. You’re welcome.
Would you be available to discuss this on the phone ?
1) Your greeting is very informal for a first email, don’t you think? No name, no title.
2) Next you should introduce yourself, perhaps say where you have found my email address (for example yumyumspamyum.com, or iamabadlyprogrammedspambot.org).
3) What would you like to discuss on the phone? The national debt? The fact that wedges are so back for spring? The latest story arc of Triumpo del Amor?
4) You leave no phone number. And you don’t think I’m really going to give my number to a complete stranger, do you?
5) Your sign off is all wrong, too. Agreed, it’s difficult to match ‘hello’, but surely a ‘best wishes’, ‘kind regards’ or ‘yours spammily’ could have worked.
6) In English, we capitalise proper nouns. That means your name… Kathy.
7) My last comment on this email piece is one I often share with my older writers (they are nine or ten). If it takes me more writing to correct your work than it did for you to write the original piece, a re-write may be in order….
So, I didn’t respond, and deleted your email. When what should greet me this morning?
Hey didn’t hear back from you, are you still in business ?
1) Please see point #1 above.
2) Hey? Ohnoyoudidn’t….who says ‘hey’ in a purportedly professional setting (unless you’re Mercedes from Glee, in which case, diva-on, my friend)?
4) That proper noun problem again. Sigh. My six-year-olds often had that problem.
Once again I refused to reply to something so badly put together, and deleted your email. But then I felt bad…what if you were waiting for my reply? So I decided to write this blog post for you to find, the better to hone your writing skills.
Again, you’re welcome.
PS In all seriousness, this Kathy Lagoli seems to be spamming an awful lot of bloggers at the moment. Be safe, friends.