I wrote the below quite late at night, after a good long Claire think.
After reading it back, I wasn’t sure whether to go ahead and publish, or instead to delete it, to squirrel it away. I’ve decided to publish, because this blog, this little record, is about my life, my whole life. And just as I share about my joys, what I’m happy with, what I’m trying to achieve, I think it’s important to be real too. Sometimes.
First things first – I’m good. Things are good.
But all this free time over summer gives me time to think. To ponder.
And lately I’ve been thinking about my flaws.
The things that bug me about me.
The things I’m trying to change. Or, in some cases, accept.
1. I’m impatient. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to burst, like I just can’t wait for the next adventure, the next event, the thing just around the corner.
2. I feel like I’m never going to be good enough. Like I’ll never be worthy or something.
3. I don’t sing enough. I feel like I’m hiding. I feel more like me when I sing….but I’m not singing enough. I need to fix this.
4. I eat way too much. Not as much as I used to, but still too much. And it’s making me get gradually fatter and fatter. I feel like I’m trapped a little. I hope I make it out. I’m trying.*
5. I start things and don’t finish them. Not all the time, and it’s getting better, but I need to continue to work on the follow through.
As it were.
6. I’m terrified of people leaving me. I think sometimes that’s why I keep some people at a distance.
If they’re not close….it won’t hurt so much when they leave.
7. I swear too much. I never swear in front of kids or elders or whatnot, but all too often among my peers an f-bomb or seven escapes. I’m still trying to figure out what I make of that.
8. I’m great at beating myself up.
9. I’m secretive.
10. I want to be more. I’m not sure that’s necessarily a flaw, but feel I needed to add it.
* post on this soon!