Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same
– ‘What a Good Boy’, Barenaked Ladies
I am a very lucky human being.
In a world where so many of us struggle with pain, need, despair, horror; my life is for the most part a millpond of calm and serenity. While I could easily flip the book of my life back a chapter or three and find some moments which were hard, sad, trying, testing; for the most part my recent and current life is steady, stable, and at the risk of being a blogger cliché, blessed. The road may have been bumpy but this part of the journey is for the most part smooth and easy. And enjoyed in fabulous company.
That being said, I’ve been struggling with some areas of my life and some frustrations, and while I’ve not really mentioned them here (and nor will I detail them now) I’ve had to deal with some disappointments, let-downs, and lower moments. They are not the kind of things I want to blog about or to air in public at all, really, but they have been part of the process which has lead me to where I am here, today. Which is why I allude to them at all, to help this season of change make more sense.
I’m happy, settled and calm. And as of July 8th I will no longer be a teacher.
I love teaching. I love the classroom, the children, the opportunity to build up young people and help them achieve all they can and really realise their potential. I can guarantee I’ll end up in a classroom again soon…maybe in a few months, maybe in a few years. For now, however, the time is right to leap into the unknown. To try the things I’ve never dared. To grow, to change, to shift focus. Who will I be without 60-90 hours of my week being filled with teaching and commuting? I’m excited to find out.
I have a notebook in my study, which Matthew and I have taken to calling the ‘Ideas Book’. Business ideas. First chapters of books. Codes of courses I’d like to research. Blog post after blog post after blog post. It’s going to be a season of challenge and change, disruption and evolution…and I’m so ready for it. They always say a change is as good as a rest…
There are other changes afoot. Changes in eating habits and exercise habits and how I spend my time and how I spend my money and how I run my home and even the look of this blog. It’s a season of rejigging, rethinking and reimagining.
For now, however, I’m looking forward to a fun, lovely last half-term, a pretty bow to tie on ten years in the career I adore, for which I can truly say I have a vocation. Then a gorgeous honeymoon with my amazing, brilliant, oh-so-supportive husband. And then deciding what on earth I do next.
Terrifying. Invigorating. Amazing. New.
It’s going to be a heck of an adventure. One I know I am incredibly lucky to be able to embark upon.
I hope you’ll join me for the ride.